Author: fbt

Dusk

a second wind review

FBT plays the gaming equivalent of Stranger Things

Ahh, the 90s. It was a high-watermark in gaming. Huge advancements in graphics and PC power, the PlayStation, Online gaming … it was a new era – seminal titles like The 7th Guest, Gran Turismo, Diablo, Tekken, Broken Sword, Monkey Island and Myst brought a more cerebral, complex element to gaming, while franchises like Tomb Raider, Fallout, GTA, FIFA, Resident Evil and Elder Scrolls defined gaming genres; the decade was gaming gold but … what really kicked it in the balls was id. Wolf, Doom, Quake; id’s FPS trilogy caused such an impact, gaming’s balls were never the same again.

While the FPS genre has evolved to include a lot more emotional investment when we shoot people in the face, there’s always been shooters that reject that and try to return to id’s kill-for-keys ethos. Good on’em for trying but the intensity, the overwhelming odds, the plotless tone of the Doom era fails in ‘old school shooters’ because what it took to get that feel can’t be replicated in modern engines; idTech and Build might have been bleeding edge back then but they were still limited – those devs had to sweat those engines to create the games and that sweat, the ingenuity is on the screen. Modern shooters don’t have to sweat so when someone calls a game ‘old school’, it’s just a modern game without cut-scenes – they take less work than the more simplistic-looking Doom clones. At best they’re just copying Doom’s homework. New old school is like remaking Jaws with a CGI shark. Jaws wasn’t just about the shark.

And to prove me right, is Dusk. Some 90s game on the Quake engine I missed the first time, right? Nope. Released in 2018 this is as modern as they come. But unlike the other recent retro throwback, Ion Maiden, this isn’t on an old engine, it’s on Unity, which knows how to make a game fly. But Dusk looks like the 90s. What is this? This is an Old School Shooter.

This isn’t one of the golden-era games rebooted like the recent Wolf and Doom remakes. Dusk is our memories of the Quake era pulled together in one kickass retro dream. It is its own game, own world, own reality, but it’s steeped in every shooter you played between Wolf and Quake; and to recreate those memories so completely in a modern engine, you can see the sweat onscreen. So what’s all the sweat about?

Apparently, Dusk is a farming town where mysterious “ruins” were uncovered. The military and scientists descend, and things go unsurprisingly wrong. And that’s where our arm comes in. We’re an unknown treasure hunter who scales the quarantine zone to scavenge the secrets uncovered, and naturally winds up fighting for their lives against the otherworldly creatures and zombified/possessed/mutilated locals, military and scientists.

Initially we’re belting through environments like farmlands and swamps calling to mind the unfairly forgotten Redneck Rampage, while also taking cues from Blood and Heretic, while the second episode is more industrial and surreal/demonic, feeling more Doom and Quake-like. And inhabiting the levels are the in-bred cousins of everything you shotgunned in the 90s; nothing you’ve not seen before, but everything you miss and this time done pitch perfect. This is the 90s. You don’t even regenerate health.

You do occasionally pause and say to yourself “what am I doing?” – here I am, having paid to play a modern game, on a modern engine in a game that’s spent all it’s time trying to appear out of date; low-res texture, samey colours, repetitive designs, illogical levels, zero plotting. But that’s exactly what we wanted – not a modern game trying to drag 90s style into this decade, but a loved-up homage to the era played entirely straight. No winks to camera, no 4th wall breaking, no irony. Dusk is like going to see your favourite band play live and being transported back to your teens; it’s like flicking through an old photo-album. The kids on The Facebook wouldn’t understand.

Dusk isn’t perfect. Just like the good ole days, some of the levels drag, you get stuck, run out of ammo when facing bosses and occasionally just get fed up with it. There’s often no rhyme or reason to it, but that feels intentional; that’s the games and how we used to play. Just charging about tapping everything and backtracking.

Dusk is gaming’s Stranger Things – when you watch it, picking up 80s homages and yelling “I had that!” every time there’s a scene in one of the lads’ bedrooms, you realise it’s not just a collection of memories, it’s also a really good show in its own right; Dusk couldn’t exist without the Doom era, but you realise it’s a ripping-good shooter too; fast, clean, unforgiving, Dusk pisses on any of those bloated CoD’s you’ve wasted your life on. It’s underselling it to say ‘if you’ve played Quake you know what to expect’. This isn’t just a homage, it’s a killer shooter that’s set in a world where Doom, Heretic, Blood and Quake (don’t forget Redneck) actually happened.

Currently there’s two episodes available on Steam, with the third incoming. It feels like Shareware; about the only way this game could be cooler is if it was released only on DOS. The good news is Dusk’s publisher New Blood Interactive isn’t stopping here. They’ve cracked what is missing and the games they have lined up look insane. When’s the last time you got excited at a CoD trailer?

Companies like New Blood are supporting one-man-bands who are building the kind of games they liked to play and we want to too; games they sweated over, games free of corporate publishers and focus-groups and customer feedback, released on Steam Early Access and GOG in episodic formats; those guys are disrupting the way of things just how 3DR and id did 20-years ago. Leave the big publishers to their ‘old school’ shooters. We’ll stick with the new bloods doing it the old way.

2018 | Developer David Szymanski | Publisher New Blood Interactive

Platforms; Win (Steam)

Ion Maiden

a second wind review

FBT chokes back tears as he gets to play on the Build engine again in

Ion Maiden’s ‘shareware’ preview.

Shelly ‘Bombshell’ Harrison has the kind of convoluted history only 3DRealms could come up with. Conceived in the mid-nineties alongside Duke and Lo-Wang, Bombshell was an ultra-sexualised Barb Wire meets Tank Girl shooter hero – without a shooter.

Shelved while 3DR fannied about with Prey and Duke Nukem, Bombshell was eventually downgraded to sidekick status and bunged into an early version of Duke Nukem Forever. Although it’s good Bombshell was spared the DNF debacle, a female sidekick kicking Duke into the next century might have been just what that game needed. Homeless again, Bombshell went through various school-boy fantasy iterations before losing the Jenna Jameson look and becoming a more typical ‘sexy but fatal’ type. And then was benched again.

Meanwhile, as Gearbox polished the DNF turd, Interceptor Entertainment were busy on Duke Nukem 3D Reloaded. When Gearbox shut it down (allegedly out of fear it would eclipse DNF), Interceptor refused to learn a lesson and along with 3DR, began work on another DN title, Mass Destruction. When Gearbox killed that too, Interceptor and 3DR weren’t about to sack off the work yet again, and set about reskinning it. All they needed was a kick-ass, takes no shit hero.

Oh hai Bombshell. It might have been a hand-me-down, but Bombshell had her game.

And it was awful. Bombshell herself was great; now an ex-bomb disposal expert with a robotic arm and a DGAF ‘tude, but the game was beneath her; it was mauled by critics and avoided by gamers. But Bombshell wasn’t going down without a fight.

As part of Bombshell’s marketing campaign, 3DR created a mini prequel game, Ion Maiden – in the Build engine for old-times’ retro-savvy sake. The response was ballistic. Suddenly 3DR had something. Currently being expanded into a full game, Ion Maiden is a two-level, early-access demo game, with the full game to be released before the end of the year.

I can’t wait that long. A cool kickass female lead in a Doom-clone from 3DR (and indie devs Voidpoint) on the Build engine? I am home. Please be good please be good please be good.

Set in ‘Neo D.C.’ in a near future, Bombshell works for the Global Defence Force who send her to investi – oh hell it doesn’t matter this is Doom-era! Some mad scientist-type has invaded the city using nasties he’s cooked up (ranging from various bad guys to heads on spider-legs…) for reasons explained in a text backstory we won’t read.

Ion Storm, sorry, Ion Maiden, is … pixelated beauty. It’s not simply because it’s on the Build engine. That doesn’t make it automatically cool; just try Extreme Paintbrawl. Not every game from that era stood the test of time, even Duke and Lo-Wang are fairly cringe now, and it’s not like this is the first time I’ve seen Build in 20 years. So what makes IM so special?

Playing something genuinely old school instead of pseudo-retro like Hard Reset, suddenly everything that’s wrong with modern shooters is exposed. This is how shooters are supposed to go. Mad, frantic, confusing, so much fun; kicking dismembered heads, 2D Sprites, keys to progress, baddies hiding in random secrets and slightly messy level design. We’re running through offices or streets, using vents, tapping everything for secrets, finding weapons in odd locations. No level-ups, add-ons, moral choices, there’s no over-complication to it – realism doesn’t matter. It’s just here to show me a good time.

But it’s not just a throwback, it’s a reminder of why the Doom era is the Golden era; modern games can do pretty much anything, and devs nowadays do stuff just because they can, but this is retro in reverse; the id and Build engines might have been bleeding edge at the time but they were still restrictive. Those devs found creative ways to get around the engine’s limits, imaginative ways to get across what they wanted to achieve – and you too had to use imagination to fill in the gaps; that’s what made the Doom era so good – a meeting of imaginations. You don’t get that with modern games; they may look photo-realistic but you don’t make a connection, a feeling that us and the devs are on the same page. It’s a game that’s been freed by its limitations rather than freed of it’s limitations only to become a samey shooter.

Hang on. What does any of that mean?! Did I really start the review by describing Ion Maiden as ‘pixelated beauty’? What? Do I really believe this game, built on a 20-year-old engine and memories is really all that? I’m clearly blinded by Build. If this had been built on a modern engine, would I be Rage Qutting it as an unimaginative rip off?

It’s a question I don’t want to answer, and thankfully, I don’t have to. Right now, I’m having more fun in Bombshell’s two demo levels than I have the last four or five modern shooter releases and that’s all that matters. But the real test will be when the full game comes out. It’s possible I got suckered; I did just pay top-dollar for what is in essence a 20-year-old game. But it’s the essence that I enjoyed so much; it’s our era. Ion Maiden isn’t a nod to the Doom era, it’s from the Doom era; a game you missed the first time around. I can’t wait for the rest of it.

I am so pleased they dropped Bombshell from DNF and eventually unleashed her to show the big boys how it’s done. Duke Nukem should be her sidekick.

2018 | Developer Voidpoint | Publisher 3D Realms

Test Drive Unlimited

a second wind review

FBT lives the driving-sim dream

I avoid dedicated Driving games – I’m a strictly Carmageddon, Driver, Saints Row and GTA driver; games where I can go off road and over pedestrians. I can’t stand track-games, winning by going round in circles. I want my car to be a weapon. And I really can’t stand the idea of Driving Sims; why would I digitally behave? TDU seemed like GTA without the GT. But I’ve come to accept I’ll never own a Bugatti Veyron, so the closest I’ll get is a game like TDU, putting me behind a wheel I’ll never afford.

Doesn’t even look like I’ll get to drive a digital Veyron. TDU is, or was, bolted to Gamespy and once that went, so did the servers and ability to connect. Although TDU can play offline, it was very insistent about being logged into Gamespy – encouraging me with the warning “you won’t be able to finish the game completely”. Well that sucks. Luckily, I can skip by assuring TDU I’ll never be good enough to reach the end anyway.

We open with a nice little scene-setter – picking my character from a passport line, I’m flown to Hawaii to rent a low-end car then purchase a house. No reason, no backstory, no further plotting. We literally have $ to spend and time to fill. With what I have left I pick my first car (should not have bought the most expensive house) – a dinky Golf R32. If I squint it kinda looks like a Veyron.

Although the map is open, I can only trigger missions/races by discovering them. It’s kinda like a car-based Skyrim. I put my foot down and … nothing. Turns out I have to turn the key with a separate button, something that will constantly infuriate me as I get into it. The first icon I discover is a Ben Sherman shop – at first I assumed product placement but I can actually visit and buy clothes. I’m not racing for Ben Sherman shirts. I consider rage quitting but you can’t really rage quit in a Golf, and once I zoom into the map I realise there is a lot to do here; challenges, races, missions, plus dozens of very posh looking houses and what seems like hundreds of cars. Everything way out of my price range. I have a purpose. This really is feeling like an RPG but instead of bringing peace or justice to the land I’m buying it up like some tax-dodging absent landlord who gets his Veyron towed and just buys another one. There’s also clubhouses where you can hang with other drivers, buy and sell cars, and the island itself acts much like an online world with other drivers logging in. Except not anymore. It’s just me and the AI.

The main issue with TDU is your fellow drivers. They’re not dangerous but they are stupid. They will indicate, which is helpful, but often make last minute lane changes, break suddenly or just pull over. It’s fraught. Although your cars can’t be damaged, the worry is a bump slows you down and every millisecond counts; winning means $ and when granny decides to change lanes it’s the difference between affording a Cadillac and a Veyron. I can’t be sure if they’re reacting to me, other drivers or just doing random stuff, but it can be frustrating. The game also cheats to keep up with you so once you have a speedy little number you’ll suddenly spot some titchy little car scream across the intersection to catch up, making it hard to anticipate. But you can anticipate the cops blaming you for it.

Although the cops don’t seem concerned with speed – I’ve passed them at 400kph before (Not in my Golf, mind) and never gotten a flash but if I clip an AI’s wing mirror they’re on me like it’s GTA5. And they’re tenacious. You’ll hear the call go over the radio then have to avoid them until the heat dies down. The more mayhem you cause (Or the AI Cars cause for you) the worse it gets until they’re throwing up roadblocks and cornering you. It’s not like Driver where it turns into Car Wars, if you keep out of sight long enough they’ll give up, but every time they spot you it’s reset and a lot of the roads don’t have many options. Going off road pauses the meter so the second rubber touches asphalt again they’re on you. And getting pulled over means a hefty fine. It’ll take two or three races to make that back.

Money is as free-flowing as the game is free-roam. Most races will net you from $1,000 up to and beyond $100,000 – soon you’re buying up the most insane houses and filling the garages with cars and bikes and it becomes more than just race, race, race. Well it is purely racing, but if you get your head into an RPG state of mind, TDU is something special. It’s not just a driving sim, it’s a lifestyle sim. I am a Rockstar sauntering out, staring at my motors and deciding which to take for a spin and see where the day takes me. I didn’t expect it but there’s something incredibly cool about swaggering into a dealership, your wallet flush, and buying your first hyper-car. When the cut scene plays of you driving it out, it’s as cool as leveling up or upgrading a weapon – you smirk and can’t wait to take it out for a spin.

The ‘quests’ are usually pretty cool, stuff like “160mph in heavy traffic” or go quick enough to set off speed cameras. You can pick up rich wives (well, ‘Models’), assuming you have a cool enough car and they’ll give you their unused Groupons for clothing stores if you didn’t ruffle their hair. It’s a bit of a low prize, especially considering how rough some of them are. The routes, not the wives. Hitchhikers don’t care what jalopy you’re in but like the Model Wives, too much jostling and they’ll bail. I’ll never get that Ben Sherman shirt at this rate. Courier missions are a bit more GTA-like; while the package doesn’t care about being lobbed about, you will care about the cops on your tail and the tight time limit. There’s also missions where you rock up to some rich dude’s house and drive his car to his other house. Those are high-earners, but they come at a high cost; if you chip his car your earnings will take a beating. So go easy, obey the Highway Code and all is well, right? Wrong, because there’s a car out there all TDU drivers fear … The Ghost Car.

Endless amounts of time I smack into a car that isn’t there. It triggers police interest, costs me valuable credits, ruins my speed laps, has cost me 1st. It’s costing me a Veyron. You’ll have no inkling, just a sudden cloud of smoke, sparks and police sirens. They don’t even appear afterwards, a victim of slow-ass Draw Distance. They’re just not rendered, only the collision. You’re concentrating on passing one car only to hit one you didn’t even know was there – they’re like Velociraptors. I had a perfectly good Sunday afternoon bike ride ruined by a ghost car. Wound up costing me nearly $100,000 in fines by the time the police had caught me – and how did they catch me? I ran into another invisible car.

‘Side-quests’ aside, the races and high-performance challenges are where the big money is, and in order to do them you step up in classes; designated by the cars you buy. The higher the class, the classier the car required. While the physics and handling are very 2006, the cars do all differ, and it’s also about getting to know the island. Like an RPG, know what you’re driving into, start getting tactical with your car choices. Then you’ll start earning. It’s so much fun getting enough money to rev out of the showroom with something as beautiful as a … well, they’re all beautiful.

The Ferrari Enzo, Pagani Zonda, Koenigsegg, the Vanquish; they’re eye-watering. The Maserati MC12 might look like art incarnate, but it handles like it’s on ice. Still, look at it. But for me, it was the Saleen S7 Twin-Turbo. That thing GOES. I passed 430kph before losing it. It was exhilarating being in the driving seat. You can change views, from behind to driver’s seat to basically sitting on the bonnet and they all provide a different experience. But if you want to just to pootle around town, I recommend the McLaren F1 GTR, a snip at $1.5 mil. Sounds like the devil’s having a coughing fit when you floor it. It’s no Veyron, but damn.

But it’s not all hyper-cars – I’m not compensating for something. There’s classics in here. Maserati 3500 GT, Lambo Miura, E-Type Jag and the Aston Zagato. When you get in one of those you feel like 60’s-era Michael Caine, James Bond, The Saint (hang on, he drove a Volvo) – you get a real sense of accomplishment, excitement – when you drive those cars into your eight-garage house with an infinity pool, you’ve arrived. You earnt this. Stroke the dash, rev the engine, peal out of the driveway, and smash into a Ghost Car.

Muscle cars are taken care of too; Camaro, Mustang, Firebird, the Ford GT and the Shelby GT. Plus there’s concept cars, AC, TVR, some oddities and the low-end starter cars which shouldn’t be ignored. Who am I kidding, they’re totally ignored but you’ll buy them anyway because you’re so freaking rich.

Once you’re in the top-class cars, the games really step up. It’s cool to come across a race for just Ferrari’s, like an exclusive little club. Best thing though, it goes by make not model, so get yourself the best of the bunch, then pile it over to a garage and get it pimped. My fave was finding a race for Alpha Romeros and rocking up in my Competizione, unlocked only by completing the Tour of the Island challenge. It’s a zippy little filly but luxurious too. I feel like I should be wearing driving gloves and a flat-cap playing this game.

There’s bikes too, which for the most part just show how basic the physics are. Ranging from Triumphs to Ducatis, riding them does call to mind GTA VC-style cornering and steering. As in, they don’t do either. But I bought them all anyway because I look fabulous in leathers.

Some of the cars have hidden qualities, especially if you upgrade them; a middling c-class is suddenly a dark horse that can trouble a Ferrari, but it’s here that the game struggles. Each house you buy has a number of garages, and while you can tour the garage of the home you’re in, you only get a text list of the others, which doesn’t compare cars at a glance. As such, that XJ220 that can ruin anything else in the B-class is constantly missed because you’re flicking back and forth trying to remember what it’s called or track all their stats – that’s one hell of a first world problem to have, too many houses and cars but it’s an annoyance when you know there’s the perfect car and you can’t find it.

Unlike it’s cars, TDU hasn’t aged that well, the ghost cars are a major frustration as is the bloody start button and the menu sucks, plus there’s the coupons – since you only see yourself lounging or getting into or out of cars it seems a bit redundant; I get that I have to look the part but do I need to scroll through 24 Ben Sherman shirts? To be honest, there’s nothing in TDU that we haven’t played in other racer games, and many have done it better. Without Ghost Cars. And now Gamespy is no more, TDU is unsupported; some cars are missing due to online activation and there’s no DLC to download anymore – But, by the near-end of it all I had amassed the kind of car and house collection only billionaires dream of.

Because you’re not battling a leader board or trying to win a season, losing doesn’t matter so much. Just go back to one of your ten garages and pick one of two dozen cars and try again. Some of the races and challenges are insanely hard/unfair, but as a sim, a genre I avoid, it’s brilliant. In real-time, I drove my Enzo on a Cannonball Run called the Millionaire’s Cup around Hawaii’s coasts, bringing it 1 minute 10 seconds under the one-hour limit. That meant something; I drove a Ferrari for nearly an hour straight and loved every minute. And netted $1Mill in the process. It’s awesome.

While I tried very hard to turn TDU into GTA, eventually I realised I was missing out on the sheer joy of just driving. I still drove like a loon, but there’s just something classy about TDU, taking the scenic route in a E-Type is pure wish fulfillment. It’s one of those laid-back games that doesn’t put pressure on you yet makes it very hard to leave.

Just one last tour of my garages, maybe a quick drive into the mountains with some Frank playing. Think I’ll take the …

Wait, there is no Bugatti Veyron. I bet that’s the Ghost Car …

2006 | Developer, Eden Games | Publisher, Atari Inc.

Platforms; Win | PS2 | X360

Championship Manager 01/02: Part 8 – End of an Era… or Error?

As TheMorty ended his epic, 3-month play-through of Football’s greatest simulator, he remembered he was supposed to be reviewing the game…

Well, this was it. My Championship Manager journey was finally coming to an end. A game that could, quite literally, go on forever had to stop somewhere and I’d decided to stop it here. I’d tasted domestic silverware success twice, winning the League Cup and the FA Cup and I’d comfortably finished third, securing Champions League qualification in the process. So why not end on a high, eh?

Before I switched off the laptop and said a final goodbye to a childhood friend, there was just one piece of business left to finish. A loose end to tie up. A season ending swansong. While on paper a game away to West Ham was meaningless for the Geordies, it presented itself a unique transactional opportunity. Nothing less than a win for the Hammers on the final day would suffice in their battle for survival and I had the opportunity to relegate them by leaving the Boleyn Ground with just a point. A bit harsh, taking satisfaction in relegating a team – isn’t it? Perhaps, but I feel no ill towards West Ham and wished them only well – this was purely business.

You may remember back in August that I had several bids turned down from West Ham for their midfield starlet Joe Cole. He’d be a fantastic acquisition for any side on the game but I wasn’t prepared to meet their asking price. My final rejected offer was north of £10m – with £15m being the likely figure I’d need to pay to land him. No way would I part with that much cash when for the same price I could have purchased:

5 Frederik Risps,

21½ Kim Kallstroms,

35 Mark Kerrs

or 1,500 To Madeiras.

In CM 01/02, many players have release clauses at the start of the game – it makes it hard to sign them at your first season, but after 12-18 months you can pick up some right bargains. As it happened, Joe Cole was one of these coveted players with a common release clause that made him available for just £3.3m if West Ham were to be relegated from the Premier League. All of a sudden, this game meant something – sorry Hammers fans, but I was going to pull out all of the stops to make sure I landed my missing midfield man!

Squad vs West Ham (Away)

Formation: 4-1-3-2

Starting 11: Given, Duff, Risp, Said, Crainey, Dyer, Kerr, Bakircioglu, Shearer ©, Kallstrom, Madeira.

Subs: Pinheiro, Solano (on 45), Selakovic, Barsom, Lee (on 27).

With Chiotis finally serving a suspension, I handed a rare start to Shay Given. Shearer and Madeira resumed their red-hot partnership up top and I recalled Robert Lee to the bench for what would be his final appearance in a Newcastle United shirt – I had opted not to renew the 36-year old’s contract. My plans to bring him on for a 10 minute run out at the end swiftly changed when Mike Duff went down with a calf injury and Rob was brought onto the field in the 27th Minute. I decided to be kind and play him in his preferred and natural DM role, while Kieron Dyer moved to right-back to plug the Duff-sized gap.

Fortunately, this came at a manageable time. We were already 1-0 up thanks to a trademark, bullet header from Alan Shearer.

At half time we had a slender advantage. All we needed to do was hold on for 45 minutes…

Unlike some of my earlier match-ups, there was to be no final day roller-coaster ride. What followed was a boring and event-less half, where Newcastle shut up shop and West Ham looked void of energy and idea – almost resigned to their impending fate. The game ended and Newcastle were victorious. I had finished my season (and play through) on a high and I now had my shot at securing a world class central midfielder for next to nothing. Brilliant.

As final whistles blew around the grounds, we had our final standings. Arsenal were Champions with Manchester United Runners-Up.

Newcastle and Liverpool took the remaining champions league places while Leeds and Chelsea would play in the UEFA Cup. There was a respectable and somewhat surprising 7th placed finish for Leicester City, who pipped Ipswich and Middlesbrough to the Intertoto Cup place on goal difference.

At the Bottom of the table, West Ham joined Derby and Southampton on the express train to Division One while Charlton narrowly avoided the drop – despite losing 1-2 to Fulham on the final day.

In reality, the league table from 2002 wasn’t too much different. Same Champions, same top 6 – albeit in a slightly different order. Derby, Everton and Bolton finished in the same positions as they did in my play-through too. It left me asking, is this game really that good, that it can almost perfectly predict the final outcome for every team?

I mean, there’s obviously a lot of additional factors with a game to take into consideration, but most teams finished very close to their real life position. The accuracy of this text based simulator was astounding and certainly a lot better than all other sports sims I’d played to date. I decided to prove my point and put CM to the test by starting a career on FIFA 18. It has all the bells and whistles you’d expect of an HD next gen game, but when I simulated a whole season the results were almost random. In my game Spurs won the league, Manchester City finished 8th and Sunderland were promoted back to the Premier League at the first time of asking – a far cry from real events.

The guys at Sports Interactive were clearly not just football fans, more football experts and that knowledge shone through in every element of their meticulously planned and perfectly executed game.

The scouting network was incredible and even back then, when it was a lot smaller than the 1,300 scouts SI employ in 51 countries around the globe, it was scarily accurate enough to get so much varied player, team and boardroom information pretty much bang on. The in-game scouting, combined with my Biff Tannen Sports Almanac, meant I’d fared quite well during the play-through. I’d managed 37 victories at a win rate of 68.5%. The third best in the division behind Arsene Wenger and Sir Alex Ferguson. Not too shabby…

I’d bought 18 players – the 7th most transfers in the world that season and my reputation had increased from “Unproven” to “Fair”. I was a long way to “World Class”, but at least I was now ranked as the 111th best manager in world football. For those curious, Then Bayern manager Ottmar Hitzfeld was nummer eins.

So. Was the game as good as I had so nostalgically remembered? Yes. I’d loved it. Simple yet shrewd, plain yet pure and set in a time un-corrupted by the Broadcast TV money that enables modern football to be the ruthless business it is today. I’d adored not having to deal with complicated transfer systems and contract negotiations that had infuriated me during my playthrough of FM 2018.

Don’t get me wrong, Football manager is a fantastic game. It’s smart, accurate and is as close to the real thing as you could ever get without putting on your suit and sitting in the dugout. However, it lacked that immersive element that CM 01/02 just oozed and while I happily swapped my £40 game for a free one, I can’t say that CM didn’t have moments where I’d longed for a press conference to deliver a spiteful, hate filled jab at my opponent who’d just beaten me. I’d missed being able to unsettle a player by verbally singing their praises and I’d missed sitting back and watching the replays of key goals it big matches.

While that is certainly a major selling point for the latest games, it wasn’t enough to sway me back to the shiny lights of football simulations answer to the Las Vegas Strip. The mystery and intrigue of what would happen next was always more exhilarating that seeing the 2D or 3D build up play.

Had this old, 18 year old title delivered? Well, I’d spent 3 months playing this game and it had really taken over my life. I was going to bed late, getting up early and I’d made more coffee than Gunther from Friends in my bid to stay awake at my desk. I was spending my lunch breaks on forums and watching CM 01/02 streamed games on twitter as I couldn’t wait to get home and resume my game. So yeah, delivered is certainly one way to put it.

It’s repeat play-through value is indeed priceless and while I had achieved my goals as Newcastle gaffer, I still didn’t want to walk away. The devil on my shoulder saying “Just one more season…” while the Angel was saying… “Go on… just one more season…”

I wanted to dip back in immediately, move clubs and maybe manage a country – I felt like I wanted to play this game forever and explore every experience available. With the World Cup approaching, I was itching to do an England play-though with the excitement of a kid at Christmas. I had to physically stop myself for fear I’d never play another game again and FBT would kick me firmly off the site for taking up all the blog space with football puns.

My advice to all football fans, it’s just as good as you remember – and if you didn’t play it get out there and give it a go. It’s free, so what are you waiting for? Kiss goodbye to the partner, the children, your friends and your colleagues tell them you’ll see them in a month. Crack open a beer, put your feet up and play. I promise, you won’t regret it.

Contract J.A.C.K

a second wind review

No One Lives Forever is one of FBT’s fave games. Contract JACK isn’t.

There’s many games I’ve disliked, loads I’ve given up on and a fair few I hated for what they were, but Contract J.A.C.K. is the only one I hate for what it isn’t.

There’s two things that set NOLF apart from any other FPS game; it’s celebration of the Sixties spy genre, and Cate Archer. CJ doesn’t have either and does nothing to replace them. It is a spin-off without the spin. It’s just off.

Set before / alongside NOLF2, John Jack is ‘just another contract killer’ who escapes a bunch of Mafioso thugs only to be tricked into a to-the-death shootout with waves of HARM troops – the super-villain group Cate fights – and discovers it’s actually a fairly extreme job interview to work for HARM itself. Hired, JJ is sent to uncover what ‘Danger Danger’, a rival super-villain group is up to. Essentially our mission is to stop them finding a mad scientist and deliver him to HARM instead, and that means us raiding military bases, a secret rocket facility, NOLF1’s Moon Base and assaulting Danger Danger’s headquarters in Italy. Considering the universe CJ is set in, you can’t help but think you’re in for some fun with the eccentric, surreal inner workings of HARM; at least more of the sixties tv love and silliness. Nope, nothing. Not a thing. Amazingly, what sounds like a fun romp and reboot of NOLF’s plot is a straight shooter without any of of NOLF’s charm, ingenuity or commentary.

There’s nothing to this at all but shooting. Endless, repetitive shooting in badly paced missions that just won’t end, facing waves of henchmen like some close-quarter Serious Sam. CJ has none of the spirit of NOLF, it just happens to look like it, and so you’re constantly reminded of how sublime that was. Cate Archer was a brilliant character. Smart-as, beautiful, capable and able to bat away rampant sexism with a deft one-liner. In her place we have JJ, a standard silent hero – an opportunity to explore the inevitability of being a nameless NCP? Surely he’s called ‘just another contract killer’ for a reason? He should be Sam Rockwell’s character in Galaxy Quest, constantly terrified of getting killed because his character doesn’t even have a name. Or continue NOLF’s commentary on sexism, and parody the unbeatable male hero? No, none of that, JJ isn’t just another killer, he’s just another arm in a shooter.

CJ doesn’t even take the opportunity to repeat Cate’s experiences from the POV of the villains. Hang out with the henchmen, suck up to the Director, observe key moments in the background, getting involved in/ruining HARM’s schemes, meeting Isako, recruiting the villains Cate later faces, the creation of the Supersoliders – there’s a whole subplot about Abigail they could have explored. All ignored. We don’t even get to play with the Man-Handler. So much opportunity and instead we have nothing to do with HARM at all, just a self-contained plot to stop Danger Danger – mostly humourless Italian clichés who aren’t a patch on the French Mimes or Indian Evil Alliance. NOLF parodied generic FPS (remember the sewers?) and now here we are in a master-class of what NOLF aped.

There’s so little of NOLF here it’s like a mod (except the fans would have done better). No stealth, gadgets, puzzles, Santa-style Quartermaster; also missing is Cate’s travels as she dismantles HARM. Admittedly, NOLF2 overdoes the India location but CJ is essentially three locations – the base, the moon and the lair (from the outside) and each outstay their welcome, over-long and over-populated with the same villains doing the same things. It’s so repetitive CJ almost ruins NOLF; there’s so many henchmen to fight you notice how scripted they are when they’re not talking about their mother in law or the causality between villainy and alcoholism. It’s just no fun; how do you miss the fun? Why don’t we have a mission where we (try) to silence Armstrong or recruit Pierre the Mime King? Failure could have been a fun option for this game, an anti-hero in the literal sense, but no.

What about something to tie it in? Naa – when CJ does reference the original it’s getting it wrong; the moonbase is a repeat of NOLF’s trip but without any of the cool 2001-inspired spacesuits or, unforgivably, the nightclub. JJ gets blasted into space and has to fight off other space-villains, repeating the fall from the plane in NOLF, except there’s no henchman yelling ‘please be full of hay’. It’s just a straight shooter using NOLFs assets. There’s no quotable lines, quirky behaviours, in-jokes, references. The only reason I’m persevering is in the hopes Cate might make an appearance. And kill me.

And then, after a too-little, too-late fun ending where we use cannons to take out Danger Danger’s base (which was a slog to get to, enlivened only by a short ride on a Vespa), JJ gets double-crossed by HARM and takes his revenge on Volkov, explaining his pained reappearance in NOLF2. It doesn’t even make sense, other than to explain why Cate doesn’t face off with JJ in NOLF2. Plus, JJ is supposed to be a stone-cold killer and his revenge is ruining Volkov’s holiday? That’s our NOLF payoff? There’s one scene where we torture a Danger-Danger henchman but although it’s played for laughs it’s actually more painful for us, and not an ounce on the scene where Cate tricks a HARM henchman into telling her where their base is.

What were Monolith thinking with this? I can understand some other developer being given the franchise and missing the point but this is inexcusable – they made the original. I mean, CJ is built entirely on NOLF2’s assets, so why did they drop the one thing that made NOLF special? Everyone in HARM is an eccentric, why is JJ a cliched silent hero? He should have been a parody of ill-fated henchmen, or a Frank Drebin type, at least a satire on the silent, masculine heroes. At the very least, it should have been a NOLF game. Contract JACK is one of those straight to video sequels starring Joe Estevez and Don Swayze. It’s Highlander 2.

The most annoying moment is during the opening of JJ’s first mission where, from the back of a truck, we briefly glimpse Cate on her way somewhere far more interesting than we are. That’s like briefly seeing the shark from Jaws then realising you’re in Sharknado. Contract JACK is just a loud, relentless, mindless slog of a shooter and aside from being thankfully short, there’s nothing redeeming about it – I was even more pissed off when in researching this, I discovered something I didn’t know. The PS2 version of NOLF contained an additional level called ‘Nine Years Ago…’ which featured The Fox, Cate’s burglarising alter-ego before her capture by Bruno. How do we have Contract JACK and that’s not available? How could they not have made that prequel instead of this ‘side-quel’? I can’t think of a game that has more spectacularly backfired – and I’ve played Mass Effect Andromeda.

2003 | Developer Monolith Productions | Publisher Sierra Entertainment

Platforms; Win/Internet

Alien vs Predator (2010)

a second wind review

FBT cheers for the underdog in Aliens Vs Predator

Somewhere in space, the Weyland/Yutani corporation has uncovered a Predator training ground. Activating the Pyramid and triggering a huge EMP blast, Weyland sets in motion a series of events – well, one event told from three points of view; the eyes of a colonial marine, the infrared of a Predator, and … however it is that Aliens can see without eyes.

Starting out as a Colonial Marine, we’re circling a planet after a distress call about a research lab being overrun – and a xenomorph may be involved. As our drop ship departs, another ship decloaks and attacks. Crashing on the planet – which does a brilliant job of calling to mind LV-426/Hadley’s Hope – the survivors are scattered. Our hero, ‘Rookie’ is ordered about by Corporal ‘Tequila’, a Vasquez-lite who needs us to find our CO so he can order a rescue. As soon as we’ve done all the usual ‘turn this on’, ‘shut that down’ missions while fighting through Xenos, Tequila realises the only way out is through – as in, the Alien nest, and we all know what’s in one of those.

The Marines section is ultimately a by-the-numbers horror FPS that coasts on our love for Xeno, but the Aliens do elevate it, as does the attention Rebellion gave to reflect the original movies; there’s tons of references, nods and subtle reminders of where all this started. It doesn’t help that our hero is about as generic as you can get though; Rookie should have been cut from the same cloth as Hicks – at the very least, Hudson – but he’s largely Freeman with a pulse rifle. He gets the movie-standard flame-throwers, Smartguns and motion trackers – sometimes blips will disappear and you can’t be sure the aliens have left or just stopped moving; but it’s standard FPS fare – if it wasn’t for those movie-moments that motion-bleep wouldn’t be half as scary.

There’s nothing wrong with the Marine section, but throughout the checkered history that is AvP, humans were always the bridesmaid, never the Queen. They’re not who we’re here for. The Aliens are fast and scary, use stealth and sheer-number attacks, skulk in shadows, run along the walls and ceilings, but it’s not all shock-scares; there are some great stand-up fights to please the Hudson in all of us. Problem is, we never really feel like we’re in an Alien movie (and even less a Predator movie – they barely feature); just a regular shooter and AvP relies a little too heavily on button-mashing – Aliens recoil from a bop on the nose? – have Rookie do an auto-fire with a shotgun while yelling ‘eat this!’ when you hit melee instead! If Shepard can auto-melee when Geth get too close, why can Rookie? And you get pop-ups telling you to ‘hold’ to dish out a pistol-whipping – how much more of a hint do you need than huge teeth rushing at you?

Strangely, the nest isn’t the end for Rookie’s run-through. Once out the other side we have Weyland-Yutani to stop, further removing it from the AvP stars we bought this for. It’s just about getting the hell out of there. Meanwhile, the Predators are trying to get in.

Pred’s mission is fairly straight forward – to contain the outbreak. Of course, it’s not as easy as it seems, but not because of the Marines, Weyland’s plans or even the aliens. It’s because for a Predator, it’s not very good at predatoring. They’re all about tactics, yet there’s nothing subtle about constantly going back to the menu to figure out which button does what – everything requires a button, everything; nothing’s automatic or intuitive – to even leap you have to press two buttons; the Predator is a stealth hunter, a master tactician – it should be fluid, automatic, a pleasure to kill – you’re a creature who’s turned hunting into an art-form but it’s like the Predator’s suit is running Windows 98; “aim the shoulder cannon – Are You Sure?” Oh, and the Aliens can see through your cloak. They’re supposed to be the ultimate prey, their rite of passage, how are the Predators not better prepared? They’re not even acid-proof so you’re constantly taking splash damage.

And when it’s not the woeful under-preparedness, it’s personal admin. Weapons, shield and cloak all pull from a central power source which drains so rather than treating this like a sport, you’re distracted looking for power outlets. Is Pred wearing a Nanosuit from Crysis? And when it is powered up, it’s useless – in heat mode Pred can’t see Aliens, but in ‘Alien vision’ it can’t see Marines. Normal vision makes it hard to see either. How is that super-predator behaviour? You’re always flicking, it’s like watching an 80s music video. I’m constantly taken out of the “Predator” moment – no marine is going to mutter “She says the jungle … it just came alive and took him” when they see me flaying about and falling out of trees. Dillon had it right; bullshit, it doesn’t make any sense. Neither does Pred’s plot.

As other Predators go off to conveniently act as mini-bosses in the other storylines, Pred gets off easy; he’s tasked with destroying the Aliens which Rookie did for him, then turns his attention to destroying the Pyramid for no real reason since it’s all destroyed anyway – one of his pals gives birth to a Predalien and that’s the only bit of business Pred has really; and it turns into a platforming bounce-around over lava. Tactical.

The only thing that makes the Predator stand out is its spectacularly OTT trophy kills. Get close to a marine/alien and you can execute the kind of kills even the movies avoided, with blood and vertebrate spraying everywhere. But even that seems a bit daft. The skulls are trophies of the hunt, not the kills.

The Alien on the other hand, doesn’t have anything to prove.

It’s odd that the Alien is given the best storyline out of all of them. It’s even odder that they’re the best character, the best gameplay and the best reason to even bother playing this. I expected old hissy to be the least satisfying but it’s a whole other level. Referencing Alien Resurrection, we’re in a clinic breeding Aliens. As the scientists collect chestbursters from test-tubes attached to the victims, they notice the sixth specimen is missing. Turns out ‘Six’ smartly chose to burrow back into its victim and leaps out of the mouth to escape. Although the attempt fails, Six catches the eye of Weyland and is spared, only to grow up as a lab rat, trained as a bioweapon for Weyland.

When Wayland opens the Pyramid and triggers the blast, it shuts down the lab and Six breaks out, frees it’s stable-mates and decimates the facility. Then we’re off to rescue the Queen and create a new colony where we all live happily until some marine decides to come clomping through looking for the exit.

Six is just brilliant to play. Being an Alien is constantly thrilling, clever and tactical; the Predators are, when not player-controlled, a serious threat to Six as are the Marines – in the open Six is exposed, but it’s not a stealth game. You have to be as aggressive as strategic and lying in wait for a Marine then leaping out is the stuff of Dietrich’s nightmares. Obviously, it’s all close-quarter fights, flinging claws, tails and teeth but it’s so clean and efficient. You can crawl over walls and ceilings (either auto or triggered, take note Predator), see through walls (again, Predator?) and be an ambush predator (Predator). It is so much fun and to top it off, Six also has an army of Facehuggers. If you pin down a human you can impregnate it instead. Eugh. Six also has ridiculous trophy kills, a POV shot from inside the mouth. Where are their eyes?!

Conveniently, Six is distracted by the Predators (not our Pred; no idea where he went during Six’s mission, likely stymied by a four foot-high wall or gone to charge his suit) while Rookie takes a shortcut through the nest, and due to his actions, recapturing Six becomes Weyland’s focus as everything goes to hell – the scene is set for our generic hero, anti-hero and non-hero to finally meet as we all head to the same final showdown. In the sequel. Which never happened, leaving our heroes on aggravating cliff-hangers. Sure that layabout Predator was happy about that.

Six itself is constantly referred to an exception and more conniving that it’s brethren, and the ending implies a reason for that increased intelligence; it’s annoying that Six was only one third of the game, it’s the absolute star of the show. It’s as if Rebellion took Ash’s line about Kane’s Son having a hostility matched only by it’s perfection and made that its character-arc; I become death, playing more dangerously than I have in years, bolstered by the sheer reputation of the Xeno. It’s completely impossible for me to relate to or impress emotions onto it, and usually I’d complain about not understanding a character’s motivations, but here it’s freeing and compelling. It is the ultimate non-human character to play, literally alien, and that you’re tortured and manipulated in the opening scenes gives you a revenge angle that lets you be a total badass.

While Rookie is a seen-it-all-before shooter with just enough franchise cap-doffing to get away with it, Pred’s should have been like the original movie, with one squad to take out in a game of cat and mouse, or at least a black-ops cover up, leaving no witnesses. He’s cool-AF in the cutscenes but clunky-AF when it comes to game-play. I’m supposed to be ‘El diablo cazador de hombres’ not ‘el diablo jugando como mi madre’.

Another frustration is how linked yet unaffected the separate missions are. They do all impact each other but only in the cut-scenes – Rookie’s faceoff with the Queen has a huge impact on Six, who derails Pred by facehugging one of his pals while Pred … actually not sure Pred does anything to inconvenience the others. It would have been much more interesting to see choices you make affect the others. I’m not asking for Aliens Vs Predator: Mass Effect edition, but a little cause and effect would have gone a long way – we know the Aliens and Predator universes; we know what’s in the nest, what Pred has on his wrist; the idea seems to be you need to play all three stories to get the whole picture, but it’s obvious. We’ve seen it all before. Except Six. It was something else. AvP would have worked better as just A.

An Alien-only game where we have to establish a nest, cocoon folks, raise kids, control lower-caste drones while keeping the colonists unaware and later keep the marines at bay would be awesome; so many ways this could have gone. As it is, AvP is a 3 out of 5. Occasionally a Six.

2010 | Developer Rebellion Developments | Publisher Sega

Platforms; Win/Steam, PS3, X360

Crysis Warhead

A BLAST FROM THE PAST REVIEW

FBT dons the Nanosuit and a cockney accent. You muppet.

The Past

Having replayed Crysis, I was curious about this add-on. I remember playing it, but I don’t remember it being any different, other than we played Psycho instead of the might-as-well-be-silent hero Nomad. Given Warhead doesn’t have any notable changes from the original and is set parallel to those events, can it be headed anywhere but the same place? We see Psycho at the end of Crysis so I know he makes it. Not exactly setting us up for a one-way mission is it. He does do a disappearing act for the final third of Crysis, but it’s that third where Crysis ran out of steam once everything turns to ice. Let’s go see if Psycho can warm things up a bit.

Still a Blast?

Opening after Nomad assaults the Harbour in the original Crysis, Psycho is on the other side of the island. It’s the same look, but even now, some ten years later the detail packed into this game is insane. I get tempted to go for a swim, wandered the jungle and get a Pina Colada at the beach bar. Why am I here?

There’s no great change to the process, style or gameplay of the original. This time though, we’re in the shit from the get-go; whereas Nomad’s game was, for the first half anyway, a slow and steady stealth-based mission as we tried to extract the research team, Psycho’s story picks up at that mid-way point where the US invade and the Koreans fight back and the Squiddys get involved. I should stop crouching then and get stuck in. The Nanosuit’s cloak, speed and strength settings are all very fancy but the island has turned into a war zone so a lot of the suit’s capabilities seem redundant other than armour.

Psycho’s missions are largely supporting the Military, taking down detachments, clearing paths for our boys and generally repeating the same beats of the original. Often I forget I’m playing as Psycho and keep thinking I’m still in the original. An early assault on a beach café the Koreans are dug into is great fun, but nothing unique. Eventually though, Warhead distinguishes itself by giving you sequences that make the Nanosuit redundant – we drive an armoured RV protecting a downed pilot, and later we pilot a hover craft – those Koreans brought everything. Warhead is more of a military, set-piece driven actioner as opposed to the original’s more subtle, tactical approach, it’s so firefight-friendly I keep forgetting to use the suit but rather than start grumbling this is a Call of Duty knock off, I realise that does make sense; the war is in full swing, we know there’s Squiddys in the mountain and the Koreans are up for a fight; no point repeating the original’s slow burn and after-all, we’re playing as a guy called Psycho – not going for subtle here. Warhead is a lot more scripted but it does pick up the pace and becomes very focused, no small task for a non-linear game, and although there’s an air of Modern Warfare about it, the suit (once you remember to use it) comes into its own and Warhead shapes up to become a really good shooter. And then the Squiddys break lose. Thanks Nomad.

I never liked the Squiddys. They just weren’t fun to tangle with. Once you get spotted they rush you like a floating bull, all horns and hooves. When Nomad sets them free and the island freezes I’m all set to get grumpy, but Warhead cuts them down to size and makes it much more interesting to fight them. There’s open space, easier routes and more opportunities to take them down. It’s still a bind and keeping the shotgun loaded is your best route – just wait for them to get in range – but they tend to appear in nice, well designed areas you can at least have some fun tackling them in, rather than the original’s tendency to just put them in the way, and now they have more room to move, they take on a more sinister, alive feel – putting on Cloak and just watching them mooching around is quite scary. Especially when the suit battery gets low. The game also mixes them up with the Koreans who survived the ice blast, making it less of a Squiddy slog and it’s fun to watch them slug it out while you sneak past. Of course, the Koreans are sneaky too.

Although we occasionally tangled with them in the original, this time the Nanosuited-Koreans (Nanoreans?) are all over the shop. Arguably tougher than the Squiddys, Nanoreans are on an even level with Psycho and go invisible, leap and lob stuff about and have much more powerful weaponry than the grunts – they also work as teams, flanking and distracting you. Facing them means you’ve lost the superiority so it’s all down to your battle smarts. Great. They also have e-grenades that knock out your suit giving them a serious edge – thankfully we get them too, leading to both sides lobbing grenades willy-nilly like some snowball fight. They’re tough but it’s not one-sided, which is a mark of a good shooter; it’s only as unfair as you are incapable.

Eventually we discover the Koreans have captured Squiddys and are trying to get them off the island – we’d already seen torn up containers in the original and Psycho reappeared in that game with a new pet, so we know where we headed, but to get there Warhead takes some unexpected turns. Having secured a Squiddy Container, Psycho draws the attention of both it’s buddies and the Koreans, leading to a standout moment battling on a moving train and seeing how Psycho got his name; he’s more emotional than the name suggests – it’s a great character moment you rarely see in shooters, let alone a second-tier add-on. Nomad was a boy-scout but Psycho is a much more rounded, interesting arm to play.

If Warhead has it’s flaws, they’re mostly inherited from the original – the suit’s battery is frustratingly under-powered, often ruining plans – which are much more critical in this hot-zone, and being powerless and surrounded by Squiddys means you’re dead quick, while Psycho can only manage two main weapons which is a real hindrance in this scrambling to survive environment; just stretching to three would have really opened things up – it’s one thing to never know what’s around the corner, but it’s a real frustration to dump a sniper for a shotgun then one cutscene later find yourself with no need for a shotgun and no way to return for the rifle. The Squiddys are still simple on or off threats and the iced-up island is flat-looking, but Warhead explores this event much more successfully and there’s areas untouched by the freeze, giving us a nice reprieve from the relentless bright ice. There’s also a whole subplot with the pilot, who is pissy with Psycho because he washed him out of the Nanosuit selection process. By the end they settle their differences and fight the Squiddys together but it feels undefined. I’m sure the Crysis sequels will treat Psycho with respect.

I half-expected Warhead to be a rage quit once the Squiddys arrive, but it’s a good scrap and thankfully avoids getting itself involved in the original’s ridiculous ending, instead going for an almighty firefight with the Squiddys before the Koreans turn up and we get an awesome movie-style ending that reminds you of how convenient the Nanosuits are. The island is a lot better planned out too, it has a more rugged feel which reflects the aggressive, pressured feel. Psycho, for all his cockney-geezer bants is a great lead and much more interesting than Nomad. It’s rare that a sequel surpasses the original, but although it’s shorter, Warhead is a better game and one of the better shooters out there, a stealth-tactical experience in a full-scale war setting and a thinking-man’s shooter. Warhead is criminally underrated and shows what an Add-On can do instead of modern DLC reheat cash-in’s; this is a treat rather than a retread. Have a go, you muppet.

2008 | Developer, Crytek | Publisher, Electronic Arts

Platforms; Win/Steam/Origin

Crysis

Most games, you’ve either played or haven’t but this was one you either played or couldn’t.

The Past

Crysis set the bar for non-linear shooters, itself a relatively new sub-set of FPS at the time, popularised by Crytek’s previous effort Far Cry. That game showed non-linear shooters could work but Crysis, it’s ‘spiritual successor’ showed how they should work. If you could make it work; Crysis’ specs were so high, it melted even the most high-spec PCs. No one played it on Highest Settings and four years after release, the only way to make it even run on Consoles was to hugely reduce the spec and dumb-down the AI (ideal for console players). But all that OTT tech was up there on screen; it looked and felt real – you believed you were on an island to stop a renegade Korean army intent on claiming some powerful discovery. Which turned out to be the squiddys from Matrix and after that it went downhill faster than the Matrix sequels (while the Crysis sequels were as well-received as The Wachowskis’ subsequent films). Still, the Nanosuit was a game-changer – it was thrilling to cloak and get this close to the enemy; and that was if you played as a coward; you could also be an armoured tank, a zippy shock-trooper – the Nanosuit was the character choice menu rolled into one. The AI, the open environment, the boats and Humvees to barrel around in; Crysis was a huge leap for FPS – after this, linear was suffocating.

But for all my fond memories, I never actually finished it; my PC fell at the final battle, dropping to a frame-rate slower than a PowerPoint slideshow. As much as I loved playing it, when you know you’ll not win, you give up – it’s been years since I had a Crysis but now I have a better PC. I hope. Time to don the Nanosuit and save the day. On Highest Settings.

Still a Blast?

Opening on a group of soldiers so cliched they should be in a CoD game, we launch ourselves over an island where a research group uncovered something – I know what it is; disappointment. I never got on with the aliens once they were out, partly because everything that happens before was so good. Let’s get to the good stuff.

Before I can though, I have to go through a ‘systems check’ which I can’t take seriously because it reminds me of the ‘tutorial’ at the start of Blood Dragon. I’m Nomad, one of Raptor Team, the best of the best of the best who are outfitted in Nanosuits, the latest in military tech armour. Basically the Batsuit, it can make you run faster, jump higher, go more invisible than ever before. The only flaw is the suit is fitted with an iPhone battery; you have just long enough to get going before the battery is at 1% and you have to wait for it to recharge. If you sprint, Nomad turns into a gazelle with asthma; a quick dash and he’s wheezing to a stop. Invisibility is great – if you’re one of those street-performers who stand perfectly still; move and it’s gone in seconds. Strength allows you to leap higher and throw/punch at far greater levels. But only once. Armour deflects gunfire – but moving while armoured means Nomad gets over-taken by the tortoises that meander around the island. The suit does recharge quickly but when it’s down you’re also unarmoured and exposed. For all its apps, the iSuit isn’t best suited to close-quarter fighting. I remembered it a lot differently but you do start to think tactically. Should I circle around using Speed, then Stealth up behind and use Strength to hurl this tortoise at him … or just shoot him straight away?

Unfortunately, it seems none of this tech works in the cutscenes. Something is stalking the Raptor team and we’re dropping like flies. At least one Raptor would have survived if he just turned on his invisibility. After we lose Prophet, our CO, it’s down to me and some bloke off EastEnders as we continue to push forward.

Actually, we can push in any direction we want. Crytek have made everything an option. I can clamber up cliff-faces, get into thicker bush, go into the water, circle around for miles, squirrel through placements unseen – there’s no game-dictated barriers, no corralling, no ‘you’re leaving the mission area’ within reason. It’s a very realistic setting within a believable island – there’s even wildlife. Thankfully nothing dangerous like the later Far Cry games (didn’t you just love lying in wait, sniper trained on a distant camp’s look-out only to hear a growl and while you desperately try to swap for the shotgun to see off the tiger, the shots attract the nearby soldiers costing you the ‘no alarms’ bonus and one of them is the Molotov guy and he burns the place down and you lose the bulletproof vest running from fire and your entire plan is ruined?) Where was I?

Oh yeah, no nasties on the island but it is teaming with life. The tortoises, fish, chickens, wader birds; I was once terrified by a frog that leapt at my scope as I was lying in wait, sniper trained on a distan – anyway, Crysis provides an amazing environment and gives you the freedom to solve the problems within it.

Although your missions never get beyond ‘reach this dot’, it never feels repetitive; you’re working out routes, choosing approaches and being as Ninja or Michael Bay about it as we like. We start on a beach using Humvees and boats (or not) then the terrain subtly changes as we push further inland through rivers and forests. Those give way to valleys and lush grasslands, mangrove-style swamps eerily covered in fog and abandoned townships surrounded by wide-open paddy fields, before a harbour being used as the Koreans’ staging ground. They are heavily dug-in on the island, and its surprisingly tense engaging them.

Out in the woodland you can never be sure you’re alone. Sometimes you catch the glint of their scopes, hear them chatting or see a flashlight but other times I’ve just stumbled into squads not realising they’re there. I had a soldier trip over me as I was prone, looking at frogs. If they see you cloak they panic fire, but they’re aggressive and smart, circling, kicking the bushes and flushing you out. I’m not sure modern games know how to do this kind of thing anymore, it’s all scripted and planned but in Crysis it all happens naturally – well, usually because you’re dicking about.

Eventually though, once the scale of the Korean invasion is realised, the US Navy decides to invade too and the game shifts focus. Soon our missions change from black-ops to charging AA Guns and assisting in the US deployment and it escalates into shooter silliness; I was enjoying the at-my-own-pace style and subtle build but now, for no good reason, the million-dollar suit wearing infiltration specialist is the only one around who can operate a tank. But, no sooner have I grumbled about this mission being out of character when I somehow manage to flip my tank – and Crysis anticipated this contingency/my idiocy; the ground troops conveniently have RPGs so I can bolt around taking out the Korean tanks on foot. Not easy, but Crysis is one of those rare games to really consider how you’ll play instead of forcing you to play their way. Eventually we reach the mountain where the Research team are. And the Squiddys. Think I’d rather stick with the tank vs foot fight.

Inside we discover the research team were actually CIA who’d uncovered an ancient hibernating alien race and decided the best thing to do would be to wake them up. The only way out is through the Squiddys ship. Or the exit menu.

I’d forgotten about the zero-g level. Inside the alien ship thing, Nomad floats about while seeing the aliens wake. They rush at you shrieking and clawing or firing annoying ice darts. Tumbling around the alien spaceship is different after all the tactical stuff but it’s a shame Nomad didn’t retain the zero-g ability once back outside – if the squiddys can float about naturally in the real world why do they need zero-g in their spaceship? It would’ve been awesome to add ‘zero-G’ to the Nanosuit’s abilities. Later, Nomad flies a VTOL in another unnecessary CoD level so it’s possible. What really annoys me about the zero-G sequence is I know once I escape I’m in another game. The look, the enemies and most importantly, the game-play all changes up; yet Nomad is no better prepared.

I’d hoped that years of more brutal shooters would soften the squiddys but no, they’re worse than Borderlands’ Skags. We’re basically in a race to reach an evac area except it’s not a race, it’s a slog. The Squiddys are out in force and they take a lot of force to get past, reducing it to a shotgun game as they constantly charge like tentacled zombies. There’s no anticipating or tricking them to get an edge and the open spaces have changed to a tighter path. There are hair-raising moments but whereas getting spotted by the Koreans was just the beginning, now it’s just turn-on armour and hope you have enough shotgun shells.

There’s nothing wrong with refreshing a game, but everything that came before was still working. It feels unnecessary – we only ever saw one Squiddy before this and we took out the Koreans before entering, so you assume the zero-g moment is leading to a boss fight; it feels tacked on like a post-ending DLC. And because the squiddys prefer it cold, their ship snap-froze the island which is now bright white ice. It’s an interesting look, but has drained the deep, layered environment. The whole game has gotten flat. Then it gets daft.

Prophet survived somehow and now has an anti-Squiddy gun and some weird connection / understanding of them. He also needs to pause to recharge every two minutes, usually wherever Squiddys hang out. Now a babysitting mission? Why has Crysis gone from staggeringly original to hitting every shooter cliché? We reach the fleet which of course is overrun. We fight off a wave, then suit-boy is the only one who can fix a problem, then fight a wave, go fetch something. It’s turned into Half-Life.

And then the big daddy Squiddy appears for a monumentally cliched boss fight. I’d never seen this before, originally my PC died during the waves and it totally ruins what I thought was a subtle, intelligent game; it was all on you and how you read the situation but this is a scripted, bombastic mess. It’s as epic as unnecessary. Another thing I’d missed was the ending, which I won’t spoil. You’d never guess it – because Crysis 2 ignored it.

This has been a weird blast from the past. The first two thirds were even better than I remembered. The suit’s power is frustratingly short but then if I could have permanently cloaked I would have just enjoyed a stroll through paradise or sat on the beach having an invisible beer. I still struggle to figure out how a game that is essentially trudging and occasionally shooting can be so compelling – Crysis is as a much a work of art as it is a shooter; most of its attitude and style has been copied but it’s not been improved on; Crysis’ greatest strength is it builds a believable world and leaves you to work out how to get through it. It’s still one of the best thinking-man’s shooters I’ve played. But … I’ve also never played a game with such a disappointing final act. There’s nothing wrong with it, it just completely undermines everything leading up to it.

Crysis spawned two sequels and an add-on, focused on the Danny Dyer sidekick. While the add-on Warhead is hugely underrated and equal to the original – better in places, with great characterisation and a more even Squiddy experience but the sequels were a mixed bag; and by mixed bag I mean horrible; only the FEAR series tops Crysis for going so badly off the rails. But we’ll always have two thirds of the original. Quit at the spaceship and it’s one of the best non-linear shooters of all time.

2007 | Developer Crytek | Publisher Electronic Arts

Platforms; Win/Origin, PS3, X360

FBT

Mass Effect Andromeda

A RAGE QUIT REVIEW

FBT wishes ‘destroy Andromeda’ had been an option at the end of Mass Effect 3

Sometime between Mass Effects 2 and 3, several ‘ark ships’ depart on a one-way trip to Andromeda. But after a 600-year voyage, a disaster costs us our ‘pathfinder’ – the survey specialist who claims new planets – and the system turns out to be hostile and dangerous, not the ‘golden world’ we were promised. Up steps one of Pathfinder’s off-spring to lead the rag-tag crew to a new home. But all I can think is ‘Wonder what Shep is doing’ because unlike the plot, ME:A doesn’t break new ground, it just reminds you of better ME moments.

Once our ship has reached the Nexus, a mini-citadel for the various Arks that launched, we find it barely hanging on; it’s become a powder-keg of tension as the inhabitants went stir-crazy waiting to get onto a planet. As the other arks are still AWOL, it falls on us to get the Nexus shipshape and the inhabitants a home. We’ve got dozens of planets to explore and at first it’s exciting. But we’re rarely doing Neil Armstrong impressions. Most of the time Nexus scouts already tried to settle the planets and it turns out an ancient civilisation of Poundland Protheans did all the hard work (most of the missions are restarting their old machinery). I’m less Pathfinder and more path-follower.

Adding to our woes, the ‘kett’ rock up. An invading force which takes entire populations never to be seen again, they’re hilariously cliched (the boss wears a cape) and look like a mix between Saint’s Row’s Zinyak and those aliens from Galaxy Quest – you can’t take them seriously as what amounts to fun-size Reapers. There’s also the annoying, characterless Remnant, hostile Geth-a-like tech left behind by pretend Protheans who also caused ‘The Scourge’, a dark energy fallout from a bomb, trapping us here. So we’ve got not-Reapers, not-Geth and not-Protheans. All we need now is a not-Shepard.

Stand up Pathfinder Ryder. And … sit down again. Scott or Sara, you can pick either Ryder (the other one joins in later) but it doesn’t matter, they’re as middle-of-the-road as it’s possible to make a hero. The Pathfinder has an element of Spectre-like adulation but it’s undeserved; they blandly defuse problems and just bum about – this is supposed to be an adventurer, a heroic leader yet if they make a movie, you can picture Owen Wilson as the lead. There’s some commentary about trying to live up to Dad’s legacy, but there’s a problem with that – Dad chose this area, put everyone in hibernation for 600 years and is then shocked to find its all changed? Well, yeah? We picked the wrong family to follow. Shep felt the pressures of command but was outwardly a decisive, natural leader and you got behind them; Ryder just acts like he’s got a bong hidden in his quarters. It would have been better to play as Dad for a while, build up and get to know the Ryder twins then chose one to play once he pops off; one naturally Renegade, the other Paragon in nature. But no. We don’t even get Paragon vs Renegade, which really has more relevance here than it did on the Normandy; conquering or colonising, displacing or bonding with locals, do we make this an exploration or an invasion? None of that happens; choice is the one thing they don’t bring from ME?

The squad-mates we get are equally second-rate. Cora the explorer, our second in command is supposed to be an Asari-trained Commando but rather than dangerous or cool she’s a brittle character missing Ash’s warmth. There’s Liam, a too-cool dude who sleeps on a sofa he sneaked onto the ship. Idiot. We have a Wrex-lite Krogan and a female Garrus, who behave exactly like their epic counterparts. We’d already had those squad mates, it just invites comparisons. And then there’s ‘Peebee’ an Asari adventurer who comes across like Annie from the 80’s musical. She’s a romance option which feels off given her prepubescent look and attitude; she’s hardly the coquettish Liara or the experienced, older-woman fantasy of Samara and Benezia. It would have been far more interesting to deal with a bratty teen Asari growing into herself rather than this ‘carefree’ annoyance with sub-Joker comments. As an afterthought, there is one local that joins the crew, Darav, the only interesting one out the lot – and a Javik replacement, given to pointing out how idiotic and naïve humans are. We know. Our first contact with his species is epically fumbled; it should be a startling, amazing moment but no – the crew makes jokes like a new fricking species isn’t a big thing and Ryder saunters out to meet them in his off-duty attire, which in my case is a Blasto vest and some Beats. Just checking, you’re Scott Ryder, son of the Pathfinder, right? We didn’t accidently thaw Shaun Ryder?

The ship’s pilot is a Salarian and actually one of the better characters, while our Dr Chakwas is an Asari who’s been around the block – why are the two best characters non-squad mates? I’d take the doc over sofa-boy any day. Can’t romance her either, so if you’re into Asari it’s baby Peebee or nothing. Romance is odd. Luckily for our drippy hero, it seems the name Pathfinder opens a lot of legs. I get locked into romances without even realising that’s where the convo was headed, while twice I was just talking to crew members and got a variation of ‘I have a boyfriend’. I wasn’t asking. Seems like everyone on the Ark was a nympho. Guess that’s one way to colonise quick and the romances are the one time ME:A doesn’t follow ME – instead it goes for Witcher ‘adult’ scenes which feel a little gratuitous.

We’re also supported by a god-bothering scientist and have a commando team to do … stuff. No idea what, it’s the multiplayer mode but in single-player, it’s the trading sub-game in AC Black Flag. Finally, we’re accompanied by the voice of ‘SAM’, a male EDI who controls everything and is linked to the Pathfinder. Whereas EDI had that voice and her curiosity, SAM is a know-it-all (even in a new galaxy) and about as compelling and real as that voice telling you ‘unexpected item in bagging area’.

It’s also needlessly complex and over engineered. When Shep said “I should go” there was nothing stopping them. In ME:A there’s so much fiddling and viewing and clicking and choosing and researching and – I’m supposed to be exploring the star system not the menu system. Ryder has more choices than planets to tinker with making it slower to get going than in ME1 where you’d spend hours tidying up everyone’s lockers. Even when you do get out into the great unknown, SAM is badgering you about this and that while the game helpfully tells you stuff like ‘press to slow the mako’ endlessly. Another problem dragging the game down is the number of places you knock about. In ME, the Normandy was your centre, in ME:A you start aboard the Hyperion – the ark ship – then transfer to the Nexus, the mini-Citadel, and finally get your Normandy-lite, the Tempest. And then spend forever staring at the backside of the new Mako. You’re just lacking that grounding, that place to strike from. There are tons of planets to explore and each looks beautiful but there’s nothing on them. And why do we plant a flag on one tiny speck of land then have to move onto the next planet? There’s entire continents being ignored yet I’m being pestered to provide space for all the colonists. ME:A isn’t sure if it’s like the original trilogy where you had some freedom but focus, or Skyrim in Space and everything cancels everything out being so epic but empty.

The fights themselves aren’t much but Pathfinder and the others have a mini jetpack to scramble about with (which means watching squad mates leaping like they’re on a trampoline as they try to follow) and you can use it to pause in mid-air to fire over cover, but the biggest leap is you don’t control squad mates as you did in ME. No control wheel – which is a massive trampoline backwards. Take Cora – a honed, precision killer. What does she do? Charges into a huge group of bad guys and gets overwhelmed – and the others aren’t any better, having panic attacks or choosing your gun muzzle as a good spot to stand. I thought we left that kind of follower idiocy back in the Goldeneye era? Get out the way. It’s also repetitive. Rather than constant kett, why not have individual villains dedicated to each system which we chose to bargain with or beat up, apex predators, hell even a Thresher Maw if pressed, instead of always arguing with the kett over it? We tangle a little bit with a Cerberus-style group who want to drive all not-them folks out of the system but otherwise, it’s the kett and they’re just an annoyance when we could be doing so much more.

It’s also hard to believe. Why the citadel races would go for this when the milky way is still half undiscovered is one thing, but four huge ark ships plus a mini citadel have embarked on this venture, which happened just after the Reapers were exposed? Isn’t that precisely when you’d not spend trillions sending folks to a new galaxy? It’s semi-explained in a side-mission which ultimately makes Pathfinder Dad an even bigger coward and idiot; plus, the revelation isn’t explored in a way that lets it resonate. It’s a half-baked attempt to separate ME:A from ME but that doesn’t ring true when ME:A seems unwilling to break away, and the twist is hidden in a side-mission you’ll almost certainly not bother doing – it feels like a cheat. Plus, who’s smart idea was it to fill a ship with Krogans? They’re still dying at this point, not too smart for a colonisation is it. Bet it was Dad again.

If you’re going to call this ME then go all the way. Imagine the possibilities; it’s not an ‘ark’ it’s a refugee ship running from a Reaper. It reaches a Relay just as Shep’s Catalyst choice hits, sending us and the Reaper millions of miles into uncharted territory. Shep’s choices then affect the entire game – if they chose destroy, then the ship and it’s AI are dead, leaving you to rebuild from scratch. If they choose symbiosis then we have to deal with having circuits and full-realised AI – and a cautiously friendly Reaper as a huge side-kick. And if they chose control, the Reaper has Shep’s personality; a Renegade Reaper that can’t be trusted would be awesome. Okay, drop the Reaper idea but at least by having ME’s impact feed in, ME:A would be an adventure in its own right but still explore the repercussions of Shep’s actions. That’s a Mass Effect game. You can’t simultaneously ignore and rely on past triumphs. Just have the ship crash on a planet like Normandy did, make it all about surviving a huge, unknown planet; hell, let’s just pick up where the Normandy crashed and play as your grieving lover dealing with your choice. Anything but this load of empty space.

Like space, the entire game is a vacuum; it has its moments, looks good and plays really well. If it was only brave enough to drop the ME adulation and dig into what colonising a new star system would really be like, you’d have something. Even when we colonise the first planet it’s not celebrated – we just leave. Epic, memorable moment there. ME:A is scared of its own potential and intimidated by the original trilogy – it'[s so vacuous you just lose interest, kinda just stop playing and forget about it. It’s so bland I Rage Quit out of indifference. The best I can say about ME:A is it’s not a bad game, just a bad Mass Effect game.

2017 | Developer, BioWare | Publisher Electronic Arts

platforms; Win/Origin | PS4 | XO

Championship Manager 01/02: Part 7 – The Cup Final

As the Premier league season draws to a close, TheMorty embarks on the penultimate chapter of his game and attempts to end nearly 50 years of hurt by lifting the FA Cup.

Imagine my delight at sitting on 71 points with three games to go – the exact number Newcastle managed in real life that season and 20 points more than my predecessor had managed the season before. With the league cup in one hand and the chance to lift the FA Cup in the other, it had been a fantastic season. 50 games played and 34 games won – a 68%-win rate nonetheless. I hadn’t managed to get near Arsenal at the top of the table, but they had been different class and they had the opportunity to clinch the title two games early with just a single point at home to Boro.

Arsene Wenger may have just stepped down from Arsenal this year after a calamitous season, but no-one could dispute his wizardry in 2002. He was a master of the dark arts, conjuring world class youngsters who continually set the Premier League alight. None more so than Patrick Vieira. The Frenchman was on his way to Ajax in 1996, when Arsene picked up the phone and persuaded the 17-year old to take a flight to London instead and join the Gunners in a bargain £3.5m deal. Vieira made the first of his 279 appearances against Middlesbrough so it was fitting that it would be that man who would score the goal to secure the title at Highbury.

With just two games to go, Arsenal had the chance to break a then Premier League record of 100 points – something only just managed for the first time in the competitions history by Guardiola’s Manchester City.

Despite the top position being decided, there was still a lot to play for. Southampton had already been relegated but there were two spots left for the drop and it would two from Derby, West Ham and Charlton. In the immortal words of the spice girls, two became one when a 0-2 Loss away at Everton sealed the Ram’s fate and resigned them to a season in the second tier of English football.

Championship manager often throws up a few LOLs and one thing that gave me a giggle was the sight that future Newcastle laughingstock and foul-mouthed haranguer Joe Kinnear had been given another job…

Poor lads, in the game they’d been beaten by Newcastle twice were languishing in the bottom half of the table and now they had this clown, who’s biggest achievement was winning the Daily Mirror Manager of the Year award in 1997.

All eyes were on the FA Cup final that I’d worked so hard to and as luck had it, I was given the chance for a final (Final) warm up.

Squad vs Blackburn (Away)

Formation: 4-1-3-2

Starting 11: Chiotis, Duff, Risp, Yepes, Crainey, Dyer, Kerr, Bakircioglu, Shearer ©, Kallstrom, Madeira.

Subs: Given, Solano, Selakovic, Barsom (on 68), West (on 68).

Was that it? I was expecting a really tough ride. For Blackburn to come storming out of the blocks and make a statement. I expected them to attack hard and hit the wings and shell the Newcastle box with balls from Damien Duff’s mortar of a left foot. I expected Matt Jansen to terrorise my centre backs and to force Chiotis into a number of really difficult saves. Instead, we ran out comfortable winners.

Tó Madeira hit a goal either side of half time before Alan Shearer netted against his former club to make it 3-0. However, there was a bit of drama late on when Duff was clean through facing Chiotis 1-on-1 in the box and our ‘keeper brought him down. Giving away a penalty and taking an early bath for his troubles. I wasn’t concerned about conceding the penalty, nor was I concerned that I’d already made 3 substitutions and would have to place Kieron Dyer in goal. In fact, I didn’t even care that Tugay dispatched the penalty and my team was robbed of a clean sheet in the last minute. Despite not being concerned, I was still distraught. I was on the verge of an FA Cup final and my star goalkeeper looked like he would be suspended. Disaster.

Now, the best thing about the 01/02 season was that the dismissals worked very differently to how they do today. You wouldn’t be told when they player would be suspended and which games he would miss. Instead, the dismissal would go to an independent panel, you’d be given two weeks to submit an appeal and after that point – if you opted to appeal – the hearing could take another two weeks. Meaning effectively your player could get a red card and still play for an entire month before having to serve the suspension. I’d forgot about this, this was bloody brilliant! Playing Football Manager 2018 I’d lose a player immediately, but here a red card could be controlled. I was going to play this smart and submit an appeal… at the very worst, Chiotis would miss the start of next season. I didn’t care about next season, I cared about lifting that jug!

Beating Blackburn had secured my place in the top four and the Champions League next season… naturally the board were delighted…

Squad vs Derby (Home)

Formation: 4-1-3-2

Starting 11: Chiotis, Duff, Risp, Yepes, West, Dyer, Kerr, Selakovic, Shearer ©, Kallstrom, Madeira.

Subs: Given, Gomez (on 68), Bakircioglu (on 68), Robert, Crainey (on 68).

I had one last game before the final and it was at against already relegated Derby County. I was worried about injuries but still decided to field a strong team. I didn’t want the lads to take their foot off the gas so close to the season ending showpiece.

The game was an absolute riot. Mark Kerr and Tó Madeira bagged a goal 4 minutes either side of half time. Midfielder Adam Murray was dismissed for the away side for a two-footed tackle with 15 minutes left, which gave both Shearer and substitute Gomez the space to add a third and fourth to our tally.

The goals were flowing and we were in excellent form going into the biggest and most important game of the playthrough…. The FA CUP Final…

The FA CUP FINAL

Blackburn vs Newcastle

The Millennium Stadium, Cardiff

Saturday 11th May, 2002

In May 2000 Wembley stadium played host to the last FA Cup final ever to be held at the Twin Towers, as the stadium closed 5 months later to be demolished to have a brand new £789m stadium built in its place. During the transition period, all major cup finals were shifted to the nearest national stadium – Cardiff. It wasn’t as iconic but it was a fantastic 74,500 all-seater stadium that hosted some fantastic contests. In the 7 years it was active, Newcastle made it there once – sadly to receive a 1-4 thrashing at the hands of Manchester United in 2005. The Newcastle manager that day was Graeme Souness – ironically the man now standing in my way of FA Cup glory. My Newcastle team had lifted a trophy in Cardiff already this season, but it was the league cup which isn’t classed as a “major” trophy. I was desperate to make sure that I ended the season with a medal around my neck.

Getting the tactics right on this one would be tough. I had a better squad than Blackburn but they had players that could hurt me and after a very good run of form I was concerned that this could be a banana-skin in waiting. Graeme Souness is a hated figure on Tyneside and I was fully expecting him to be a thorn in my side. I decided to go for it and not change a winning formation. Keeping it 4-1-3-2.

Starting line-up:

1 – Dionisis Chiotis

2 – Mike Duff

4 – Mark Kerr

5 – Ibrahim Said

8 – Kieron Dyer

9 – Alan Shearer ©

10 – Stefan Selakovic

13 – Stephen Crainey

14 – Tó Madeira

15 – Kennedy Bakircioglü

26 – Mario Yepes

Subs:
6 – Frederik Risp

7 – Nolberto Solano

12 – Shay Given

19 – Kim Kallström

29 – Rónald Gómez

While the formation was unchanged, the personnel needed a re-shuffle. Taribo West was left out of the squad in favour of Crainey, who had the pace to match tricky winger Damien Duff out wide. Selakovic came into the midfield with Bakircioglu and Kerr to create a formidable central trio.

KICK OFF

As the ref blew his pea, Newcastle started brightly. First Madeira went close with a long-range effort and then Shearer had a strike whistle past the post. 25 minutes into the game and the Toon had attempted 5 shots with 3 being on target while Blackburn had mustered a single, paltry effort. Defensively we were sound, winning 50% of our tackles and not giving away a single foul. It was vintage stuff.

Shearer had a great shot tipped round the post and Mark Kerr thought he had scored, but with just the keeper to beat somehow the Scotsman managed to roll it wide. Half-Time arrived and it had been a well contested match, Newcastle had the better of the opportunities but the ball had spent an even amount of time across all thirds.

This was starting to worry me. I remembered back to Everton, Villa, Fulham and several matches in the first half of the season. I remembered chucking away a point at Arsenal and the time Darren Anderton scored a late equaliser at Leeds. I wasn’t exactly a stranger to being the better team and not coming out with the victory, but in a cup final of the magnitude of this – I was terrified of not making the pressure count. I opted not to roll the bones and keep things the same. Surely, we’d take a chance sooner rather than later… right?

50 minutes – Matt Jansen has a shot, it’s deflected wide. From the resulting corner David Dunn fires a volley wide.

57 minutes – Duff cuts inside and fires a shot at Chiotis who does well to palm it to safety.

71 minutes – Markus Bent plays a one-two with Craig Hignett before firing off a shot that hits the outside of the post and bounces wide.

This is not going to plan… I decided to go more defensive and weather the storm, dropping Madeira into midfield and allowing Kerr to make way for Kallstrom.

74 minutes – Markus Bent breaks the offside trap and again goes close, this time Chiotis is on hand to gather the ball.

77 minutes – Duff hits a dangerous cross into the area, but Said is on hand to clear.

80 minutes….

YES! Finally, the deadlock is broken and its life-long Geordie Alan Shearer who has the goal. It wasn’t a peach of a strike but I didn’t care! A goal is a goal and this was perfect. The usually deadly Madiera hit a shot straight at Alan Kelly, but the stand in keeper could only parry back into the 6-yard box. Big Al reacted quickest past Henning Berg and tucked it home into an empty net. Finally we had the lead! That was it, on came Risp and we went 4 at the back. Madeira made way for Gomez to add a bit of energy upfield as we moved to a defensive 5-3-1-1 formation.

Blackburn were shot, their heads dropped and their confidence gone. They didn’t have the energy for another attack. There it was… the words every Champ Man player dreams of seeing flashing on the screen…

We’d done it. Ian McShane, Will Greenwood, that weird bloke from the League of Gentleman… your boys took one hell of a beating!

As the fans sang my name, I reflected on my time back in the game. With two cups and a Champions League spot in the bag, this had been a very successful season… I’d re-discovered my love for the Football Management genre and had a real blast over a few months re-playing a childhood fave and one of my top 5 games.

However, I still had one job left. Now I’d played the game I could finally review it! After all, Previous Weapon’s a review site – not a blog for the ramblings of a Geordie lunatic with too much time on his hands.

Toon in next week for the final, final conclusion of this wonderful classic – Championship Manager 2001/2002.