Fallout 3

A blast from the past review

FBT falls-in with Fallout again.

The Past

It’s odd to do a Blast from the Past on a game that’s only a few years old. Sorry? Released 2008? TEN YEARS AGO?! It can’t be, Fallout 3 can’t be a decade old. Have I been frozen in a vault for all that time? I hope not, that would make a terrible basis for a Fallout game. Ten years…

For the longest time F3 was one of my fave games, easily in the top five, but over time it slipped away as I just couldn’t face repeating that huge slog through the wasteland, the impossible scale of it. Until Bethesda took free-roam indulgence to 100 with Skyrim, I couldn’t imagine a bigger game (other than their Morrowind). But although I call it a masterpiece, I just recall endless rubble, raiders and botflies, have flashbacks to never managing to reach my destination without being distracted. I remember having a crush on the off-kilter girl writing the Survival handbook, wearing a ghoul’s face for a mask and everyone chatting to me like it was normal to be walking about like Hannibal Lector. Wasn’t there a giant robot at the end? I know it was all to do with water and my Dad but the more I think about it, all I remember is that rubble, those raiders and damn botflies. I played it multiple times but I think I only finished it once; once all the DLC was added it never ended. It’s time to go be Liam Neeson’s sonaughter again. Ten Years!

Still a Blast?

Oh wow I remembered my own birth. As I go through the classes and appearances it’s a nice character build sequence. Bethesda always did those well, from Morrowind’s immigration questions to this glimpse into who I’ll be as we go from cute toddler to a bratty teen taking their aptitude test. It’s a nice way to get to know myself without being a preachy tutorial. I don’t get to know Mum, who dies in childbirth. Least I still have Dad though.

Dad’s gone! And somehow it’s triggered a riot. I escape the vault, my home for the last two decades, and it’s an oddly bitter-sweet moment. On my first playthrough TEN YEARS AGO I blazed through this sequence itching to get going but this time I’m a bit more relaxed about it. Vault life isn’t so bad. I even try sticking around after the riot but eventually everyone just tells me to leave. The party’s over. Wearing my Fonzie leather jacket and a birthday hat I got for my tenth birthday, I’m well prepared.

Following the original games’ overall story-arc, in 2077 a short-lived nuclear war broke out, with predicable results. Playing off paranoia and threat, “Vault-Tec” had begun building shelters all over the country (in this case, Washington DC) and now they had a captive audience. Vault-Tec added additional tests, events and scenarios to better understand human nature or something probably more insidious. Those in the vaults created their own societies for two hundred years, while outside, survivors and Vault-escapees did the same.

Stepping out into the wasteland still packs a punch. For a decade old F3 still looks great; games might have more pixels now but it’s all about belief and for all its sci-fi, F3 feels real. This is the aftermath of a nuclear war. In this reality though Apple never got out of Jobs’ garage; their style over substance approach is nowhere to be seen (maybe somewhere there’s a Vault that looks like an Apple Store). F3 is one of those fifties ‘the world of tomorrow’ films come to life. An over-designed, art deco, Vic-20 meets Nostromo world buried under an apocalypse. Ten years on and I’m still marvelling; Bethesda know how to build a world. Fallout 4 might have watered down the memory with its retread but this feels more gritty, more real; the immediate danger has passed but there’s no real hope of rebuilding. Instead, folks are eking out a living the best way they can; I just came from a vault which while restrictive, was safe and had water that wasn’t eradiated.

It turns out that’s what Dad was after all along. He was a huge fan of bottled water and his project, Purity, was a way to cleanse the area’s water and the first step towards rebuilding civilisation. But it’s taken a huge amount of steps to reach this point. Like all good RPGs, you follow the mission marker less ‘how the crow flies’ and more like ‘pissed bumble bee’. It’s impossible to walk in a straight line. There’s hundreds of things to go look at and those things have things in them that you spend hours ferreting through or send you off looking for other things that you don’t reach because other things. I’d forgotten how hard it is to get anywhere without being pulled somewhere else. What’s that?

The main mission is brilliantly done; our character has questions, there’s a nice tension between me and Pa, and Dad realises his kid doesn’t need him anymore. You can play the character as pissed off, indifferent or desperate but no matter how you react, nothing will be the same again. As you attempt to finish Dad’s Purity Project, you draw the attention of the Enclave, a remnant of the previous government who realise controlling the water is a means to reasserting power – coincidentally that’s the plot to Tank Girl and both antagonists are played by Malcom McDowell. I’m also dressed like Tank Girl.

It’s fun to dig into your inventory and work out what items you can cannibalise, although it’s not as detailed as I remembered, especially with the weapons. Similar items can be folded into others to raise their stats, but you never really alter or jury-rig stuff the way you should, leaving you to carry multiples of everything, weighing you down. Mostly you’ll be carrying junk, digging through everything like Steptoe in the hopes of uncovering something valuable – or a bobbypin so you can unlock items to find more junk. Although this does feel a bit endless and slows everything down, I’m still enjoying wandering eerie old schools and decrepit Nukacola factories hoping to find something. Usually bloody radroaches. Usually.

There’s a whole host of beasties to battle, and to help there’s the VATS system, which stands for something. You can pause and pick where you want to aim and you’re given a percentage of how likely the hit is. It’s a bit like an intellectual’s Bullet-time but fun watching the shootout in slow-mo. It’s also fun using VATS to fatboy a botfly. Swatted the bastard.

But, the botflies and radroaches soon give way to speedy giant scorpions and Guai; I’d forgotten about those werebear things; but I hadn’t forgotten about the bloody Deathclaws, apparently a war-time super-weapon gone awry. Also very awry are those Super-Mutants and their side-kicks, those nightmarish Centaurs. There’s also the ghouls, folks who survived the nuclear fallout but lost their sanity (and looks, but not their clothes. Even zombie America is concerned with modesty), and giant ants referencing the infamous fifties movie Them! but mostly we’re fighting raiders who figure the best course of action is swing a lead pipe at the gal in power-armour. When Fallout was adopted by Bethesda, there were grumblings from the original series’ fans that it would become The Elder Scrolls, and to be fair, it has. This is Oblivion without spell casting, but it’s a lot more focused and you do more digging around, and the setting is much more relatable. Plus, no Oblivion gates popping up every ten feet. It is its own game and ten years on I’m still finding new areas, new experiences and loving the post apocalypse.

The good thing is, unlike more recent RPGs (like Fallout 4), the main story is nicely non-urgent. Almost from the outset Dad says the water purification project won’t save the world and it’s freeing to not be that heroic, to not have pangs of guilt when I return to Megaton again to offload junk then go do something for folks who need this, want that, send you there. We’re getting a priest to realise he’s in love, putting a stop to cannibals (or not), and researching lovely Moira’s Wasteland Survival Guide. We’re looking for old civilisation artefacts, rescuing folks from Super Mutants and Slavers – unlike Fallout 4 and Skyrim’s disheartening ‘radiant missions’ this feels more realistic than endlessly visiting a smug Jarl who’s yet again bitching about a Dragon that’s outstayed it’s welcome. Instead, there’s just enough to lone wanderer into. Unless your lone wanderer prefers company.

Unlike Oblivion, followers are more than bullet-catching NCPs. The best is Dogmeat. A mutt we rescue, he becomes a doggo liability, running off to attack something ten times his size, falls off cliffs and constantly get in the way. After a short while I leave him at my digs in Megaton, terrified I’ll lose him. There’s various mercs, thrill-seekers and more than a few quest-related folks who make life interesting by following then disappearing, getting stuck or dying and leaving the mission unfinished forever. Followers haven’t been quite perfected in F3 and they kind of undermine the ‘Lone Wanderer’ shtick our character is rocking, but at least they can carry stuff for you. Just don’t give them anything valuable.

Another Oblivion nod is the Karma system. This was much better utilised in New Vegas, here it means getting pestered by do-gooders and having marginally better dialogue choices, but also draws the attention of mercenaries who don’t like nice people. If you decide to be a mercenary yourself, the ‘Regulators’ come after you instead, and being a dick doesn’t block you from mission opportunities, just more evil options once you’re mean enough (bye, Megaton hovel, hello penthouse in Tenpenny Tower).

I’d like to say a lots happened since F3 was released, but … has it? Playing this now, I realise RPG hasn’t moved on, it’s just repeated itself. F3, along with Oblivion, got it perfect and as I play and remember moments, events and set-pieces I realise how much Fallout 3 informed my expectations of RPG. It’s good. When’s the last time you had a hundred-foot-tall robot as a follower? F3’s scenery does become samey but there’s so much layered into the game that it becomes more than endlessly clambering over a tip. The loose societies and clans that have sprung up, the communities like Megaton or Rivet City and heavy-handed groups like Enclave and Brotherhood of Steel – this is how its going to go when someone finally presses the button.

When you add in a compelling but unpressured main story, tons of side-missions and events, and some stellar characterisations and observations, you’ve got a decade old game that’s timeless. Graphics might continue to impress and advance, and one day Fallout 3 might seem creaky and basic, but it’s spirit will still be indomitable and that’s missing from modern RPG; Fallout 4 and Skyrim included.

Like lovely Moira’s Wasteland Survivor’s Guide, Fallout 3 should be required gaming for anyone planning on taking up RPG so they understand how it’s done; and it should be a tutorial for anyone planning on developing one – and that includes Bethesda. Fallout 3 is back in my top games list. Play Fallout 3; make Liam Neeson proud.

2008! Developer; Bethesda Softworks | Publisher; Bethesda Publishing

Platforms Win, X360/One, PS3

Alan Wake

FBT is Max Payne’s nerdy brother

In 2001 Remedy burst into the shooter scene with Max Payne, a game that helped shape shooters in the noughties; not just a great game, it’s a nod to action cinema of the time -The Matrix & John Woo- and an engrossing noir story, but what made it a classic was the guy we played; Max Payne, a suicidal burnout we thought was cool and we cared about. Two years later Remedy did it again with Max Payne 2, deepening the character, story and the gameplay. If only all game (and movie) sequels could be that good. Let’s not talk about Rockstar’s Max Payne 3. Remedy then spent seven years perfecting their new man, Alan Wake; this is a developer that likes to get things right. And while there is a lot -a hell of a lot- right with Alan Wake, the game isn’t quite the sum of its unnatural parts.

Alan Wake, our eponymous and unwilling hero (I get it, Awake, but Alan? I’m an Alan?), is a famous novelist struggling with writer’s block. His wife Alice suggests a trip to Bright Falls, a remote town that’s so quaint it screams ‘dark underbelly’. Settling into their cabin on the lake, Alan’s hoping to mope about and be all tortured-artist, but Alice has an ulterior motive; get Alan to visit a local celebrity psychologist to lift his spirits and knock out another best-seller. Alan’s not best pleased but no sooner has he stropped off when Alice disappears, and Alan wakes to find himself in a wrecked car a week later. The next thing he knows, violent ghost-like figures are after him and his most valuable weapon is a flashlight.

Alan Wake is as much a pot-boiler film or novel as it is game; Polanski’s Frantic meets Stephen King – in fact, there’s so much King in AW that Remedy sent him a copy. Should have given him a credit. The world is incredible, beautiful yet foreboding, isolated but intimate, it just has this off quality and it ramps up that unease with some juicy ghost-story beats to complicate things; the cabin on the lake hasn’t existed in years, who’s the unknown woman in black who gave them the cabin keys, the slightly off-kilter locals – it’s got all the makings, and that’s before you really get into the Novel-quality story; this isn’t some contrived plot to drive the game; King, Poe, M.R James, Susan Hill, Shirley Jackson; Alan Wake fuses everything that’s good about a small-town ghost story into its own compelling and chilling tale. Where the hell is Alice, what happened in that missing week? Why are there pages of a novel Alan doesn’t recall writing scattered around the town? What broke his writer’s block? Typically, the answers are to be found in the dark and that’s great, but that’s where the game unravels.

As Alan searches for answers, he contends with ‘the Taken’, previously cheery Bright Falls residents now wrapped in some evil Darkness and intent on butchering him. He can dispatch them with a wave of his torch and a well-placed bullet, and that’s the problem; it’s a shooter that doesn’t need to be a shooter. The best thing about a ghost story is nothing traditional will save you; we’re a pasty-faced intellectual, Alan should be completely out of his depth, an everyman – when did Max Payne get here? We’ve played this a hundred times before and it’s hugely at odds with the set up and cut-scenes. The fights are scary at first as you put your flashlight on full beam causing the battery to drain while firing wildly, then take off running, desperately trying to reach the safety of a street light only to be surrounded, with low bullets and no batteries, but the further you stumble on, the more you realise there’s not much else going on; it starts to feel like a zombie shooter and it’s so rail-linear it is literally you walking one way, the Taken staggering in the other; quickly you lose the key thing about going into the woods at night; apprehension.

A surprisingly bold/frustrating move is no melee. Alan can shoot like a trooper but he can’t muster a pistol-whipping? Running out of ammo means dodging until you find a safe haven (and hope it has ammo) or just wait to die and it feels like a lazy way to add tension – it would have been so much scarier to wander with only your torch and smarts as a defence; alone in the dark, hassled by possessed locals you just had a damn fine cup of coffee with isn’t enough? Why is this a shooter? I never thought I’d be annoyed at being armed.

The story though continues to grip, with Alan under suspicion for killing townsfolk and we’re not entirely sure it’s not all in his head – the psychologist even commits him at one point, but the sinister unease is always ruined by some contrivance that forces Alan back into the woods or elsewhere, at night, again. Alan Wake needed to merge the scenes with the reality, make it one inescapable nightmare not a game of two halves. But even without the clearly defined shooter parts to interrupt the flow, the game is broken out much like a TV series, something Remedy’s follow up Quantum Break explored further. Once a story element is resolved, we go to ‘credits’ and the next opens with ‘previously on’ featuring key scenes from the last episode. Why? I should be playing Stranger Things not watching it. An encroaching, suffocating narrative like this shouldn’t be ruined by the game pausing to ask, ‘are you still watching?’

Early reports suggested Alan Wake was going to be open world but Remedy decided would ruin the suspense – it might have worked better non-linear, if you could get lost … Everyone’s taken a shortcut at night down some alleyway, across a park or woods and gotten the heebie-jeebies and to have the town and surrounding area open up as he investigated the pages – then going into the woods would be truly horrible because we would have made the choice; and without weapons it would have been unbearable. If it had a constant clock and you roamed safely in daytime, venturing further only to get lost and see the sun setting … that would have been awesome. I should be too scared to go into the woods, not just dumped with no choice; it reduces the narrative’s dread and scares – I should be bravely walking out, hearing a twig snap and immediately saying “I vote we go back to the Slaughtered Lamb…”

Still, once out of the woods Remedy really have fashioned something beautiful with Alan Wake, it’s one of those games you grumble about then say ‘but it’s great really’; as a (cutscene) hero Alan is a refreshing one – petulant and self-obsessed, while others such as Alan’s agent/friend Barry and the local Sheriff work really well, wondering if they’re just feeding his fantasy, while the ending is Bioshock-brilliant; bitter-sweet and moving, it’s actually one of the best game endings I’ve seen in years. Despite everything else, the final reveal and what Alan does saved it. Alan Wake’s story is pure art, but the game-play … when you turn a bright light on, there’s nothing underneath.

Alan returned for the standalone add-on American Nightmare and a sequel was planned but poor sales caused Remedy to rework some of the ideas into Quantum Break, with mixed results. There aren’t any other developers out there with this level of ingenuity or originality in gaming; the risks and chances Remedy take are always more interesting than a play-it-safe CoD clone. Alan Wake is worth a play just to see a developer pushing the limits of what a shooter should be. Long may they continue.

2010 | Developer Remedy Entertainment | Publisher Microsoft Game Studios

Platforms; Win | X360

Heretic

A Blast from the Past review

If there was one FPS from the Doom era FBT would call his fave, it would be Blood.

And Heretic.

The Past

I have hugely fond memories of Heretic. It was part of such a great era of gaming, thanks to id. That half-decade, starting with Wolfenstein and ending with Half-Life, was a grand golden age of familiar, similar fun – Wolf, Doom, Heretic, Rise of the Triad, Duke, Shadow Warrior, Dark Forces, Redneck Rampage, Blake Stone, the mighty Blood; until Quake (and Goldeneye for the N64 crowd) they were interchangeable and all great. I’m sure there’s more games listed under ‘Doom Clone’ on wiki, but back then, with shareware disks traded about and hundreds of magazine CDs filled with demos that piled up in the corner – you could never be sure what you’d played. It was glorious gamer mayhem until Steam ruined it.

I always liked Heretic’s goth sorcery setting, all medieval villages and castles, filled with flying imps, giant floating skulls that fired tornados and those Alien-a-like rip-offs. It felt like Lord of the Rings if Sauron won. Heretic and Blood are the ones I remember most fondly, being much more fun to play, much more involving than the others; I have no idea why I was shooting or who I was shooting but I remember the creatures I shot, I remember the weapons I used and the magic spells I cast; who forgets turning creatures into chickens?

I’m guessing Heretic hasn’t aged well; it was built on the Doom Engine so it’s going to be basic but it was overseen by Romero and developers Raven were also behind the good Elite Force and the great Jedi Knight II so maybe it’s withstood the test of time. Let’s go to the land of whatever and find out.

Still a Blast?

Heretic is hard to look at. Not just because the pixel count is in double-digits, but because there’s a lot of red and green and brown. It’s like one of those optician tests to see if you’re colour-blind. But, I’m also instantly back to that era, having simple fun blasting away at the tiny little flying imps. I still don’t know why or what I’m doing. There’s a couple of ‘serpent riders’ who have corrupted the kings of various worlds and filled them with their own creatures. I’m an elf (an elf?! I never thought I was an elf, he has a hairy mitt of a shooting arm) who’s taken it upon himself to rid the world of those Riders. I find I don’t really care. I miss this simpler, point and shoot era; of course, if a game was released this basic now I’d whinge about it being shallow, but that’s because expectations have changed. My expectation here is to be handed a gun and shoot it until I see the level stats and realise I still missed secrets. Like how, I space-barred every single wall dagnabbit. If I missed the secret level … This is great. None of the cutscene continuity, mission marker malarkey, moral choice-making; reasons are for losers – just crack on. I’m gonna go to the library and check out the UseNet and find that secret level.

Aside from all looking vaguely the same colour, Heretic is more than playable. The mouse acts as both aiming and moving, causing our elf to fall off everything, and you can’t reassign keys but that’s hardly the end of the playable world. The levels are imaginative and involving rather than Doom’s grim drudge and while you’re only ever looking for keys for doors for exits, it tries to feel creepy and labyrinth without being annoyingly maze-like; it does feel like villages and castles and they’re interesting to explore rather than just shoot through; it’s more early Elder Scrolls than Doom-like.

I pick up the bow and later the Dragon Claw which is basically the same as the machine gun from Doom. Doom’s bloody fingers are all over Heretic but it’s no reskin, it is its own game. Fighting is as you’d expect – everything rushes at you but the weapons are fun to fire, and the powerups change things up – spell books to overpower your weapons, invisibility and invincibility, the egg spell and wings of wrath that give you flight – you never used it for fear of needing it but still, a nice little powerup. There’s a few standout creatures too; the flying imps are oddly endearing while the hulking Golems make an amusing ‘guh’ noise when you clobber them – of course, they clobber back and then there’s those huge skulls which are great to look at and a nightmare to fight, the alien rip-off things, the axe-throwing knights, and the Weredragon that looks nothing like a dragon, Were or otherwise while the wizardy blokes with their dashing cloaks and sparkly orbs are simply the most fabulous villains of the era. Their echoing chant joins the other creatures’ calls, moans and growls – The Serpent Riders’ lot are not what you’d call stealthy, I’ve never played a game with so many chatterboxes and their prattling helped me find the exit more than once. Alongside the game’s ambient chain rattling, water drops, moans, cackles and creaks it’s one of the noisiest games I’ve played but it has the feeling of a really good ghost story. If it wasn’t so bright it could be quite a menacing game. I will admit, Heretic is a lot lighter than I remember. I might have merged some of Blood’s gothic atheistic with Heretic. Instead, there is a sense of cuteness about Heretic, almost loveable, maybe less like a Ghost story and more like a ghost train at the end of the pier. Still, Heretic is living up to those great memories. Ahh the nineties, if they ever end we’re in trouble.

In every demonstrable way, Heretic has been surpassed and it would be easy to dismiss it once the initial ‘oh I remember that’ wanes, but once you get into the harder levels it’s not mucking about – it’s not samey or tiring, I’m pushing and being pushed in a perfect balance; it does the job of a Doom-clone very well – there are improvements, such as the menu system, looking up and down etc, but it just feels more complex, more detailed – Raven clearly took their time with the mighty Doom Engine and learnt from Doom’s designs, it feels real not random like a lot of shooters from that era (like why did the villains of Rise of the Triad pepper their castle with trampolines and floating coins?)

Since nothing could compare to Doom, The Exorcist of gaming, even the most shameful Doom Clones had to do something to differentiate themselves. Duke had his extreme masochism and jetpack, Shadow Warrior had interaction and Big Trouble in Little China quotes while Blood had its perfection, but Heretic’s ‘thing’ was familiarity; it’s plot and character motivations were the basis for a hundred D&D games and it was great to see that come to life; it took what we loved about Doom and put it in the fantasy setting we always imagined.

If you’d never played a game from that era then Heretic deserves a go over the others which all outstay their welcome on replays (not Blood though). It’s a pure golden-era shooter; fast, tough and fun. For me, it really is the second best of the Doom Clone Clan which is quite an achievement considering the competition; even my beloved Blood is closer to Doom than Heretic is – We should have more medieval fantasy shooters that aren’t reliant on swords or traditional spell casting. I didn’t know I wanted a spell-casting Gatling gun until Heretic gave me one. Heretic is the best retro game I’ve played for ages.

Recently, the game industry has dusted off the golden era and resurrected, remade, remastered and rebooted pretty much the entire family of Doom-clones, playing off our fond memories and brand awareness, ironically calling them classics now after being dismissed as Clones then. There was Doom’s Dad-dance of a reboot, Duke’s been remastered and re-released multiple times as well as his shocking return with DNF. Wolfenstein’s been returned to and rebooted three times while Quake 4 was an in-name-only sequel as was Prey, which started out as a Doom clone in 1996. Shadow Warrior got remastered as well as rebooted into a new budget series, as did Rise of the Triad. But there was no reboot for Heretic; somehow it’s been forgotten or ignored, and I can’t work out if that’s a good thing or not. Having played it and found it still awesome, I like that we only have the unsullied, pure original, but the gamer in me wants at least a remaster so I can stop flinging my hairy elf arm off walls. To not have a modern Heretic is heresy.

Developer; Raven Software | Publisher; id Software / GTi

Platforms; Win

Fallout 4 – Pt1

a second wind special review

In this special edition playthrough, FBT relives Fallout 3 *spoilers (FBT hates it)*

I loved Fallout 3. There was nothing like it. Okay, there were loads like it; Stalker, Metro and … others but this was from the makers of Oblivion. It was Oblivion after the bombs dropped. That’s got to be good. And it was. I lived in FO3 for an age, explored every irradiated pixel. The world was horrible but the experience was unforgettable. When FO New Vegas came out I explored the wasteland again, loving being back in the world from a different perspective. Sure, it was a little juvenile, a bit repetitive with huge areas of nothing but a radscorpion for company and its story was daft (Romans? Yeah, they’re a good role model) but it had some really good stuff in it especially with the factions, reputation and robot sex. And then it was five long years in the vault until I could strap on my Pipboy again.

Fallout 4 opening with a pre-war scene was interesting, clearly that was supposed to make me feel emotionally connected to the wasteland later but it hadn’t ever occurred to me during FO3 to picture the world pre-war. I didn’t really care then and I don’t care now cos the game is making me go through annoying mundane tasks to build suspense, as if what’s about to happen will come as a surprise during this perfect suburban domesticity.

Cracking wise with my clearly ill-fated other half, rocking a cradle with my sprog in it, watching TV, all I can think about is the scene in Saints Row 4 where The Boss is trapped in a 50s sitcom and you’re forced to ‘play’ eating breakfast and get the morning paper, itself a parody of games like Heavy Rain. How meta. Eventually I’ve interacted enough and we’re running for the vault. I don’t get much time to look around but I do pause briefly to see the bomb land which is amazing, but I’m quickly hurried inside before I can really take it in. Safely vaulted, getting a real sense of the panic and drama, I’m looking forward to starting a life in a vault. I wonder if this will be the first Fallout game to explore the Commonwealth before it started, adventure in a world where the bombs are still smouldering, but no; we’re tricked into being turned into an ice-vault-icle and the years pass. I helplessly watch as my other half is indeed ill-fated and the kiddiewink snatched. Another unknown period passes and eventually I melt and claw my way outside to catch my first glimpse of the world I’ve seen before.

One of FO3’s greatest moments is when you escape the vault and are awed by the world for the first time. FO4’s attempt at awe is seeing my perfect neighbourhood reduced to ruins. But this isn’t as affecting as Bethesda may have intended; I never made a connection to the neighbourhood, I saw it pass by as I was running for my life so seeing it now has zero impact on me. I’ve seen this before – It’s just another Fallout ruin. I go inside my house and because I assume the game wants me to and stare at the empty cot. Sads. I have no emotional connection to the place or what happened or even the kid, because it all happened too fast. To really have given this impact, the game could have done with a few more hours in the pre-nuclear environment the way you spend time in the Vault in FO3. You think you know the world, then step outside and gasp. It could have worked quite well with the right quests. It’s like FO4 forgot about FO3 and thinks I’ll be shocked by what happened to my home.

A short chat with my still operating Mr Handy then occurs and I uncover something startling; The voice is Jack in Mass Effect! This game had better allow tattoos. I adore Jack; Courtenay Taylor did a stellar job grinding out Jack-the-killing-machine’s dialogue with barely contained rage then slowly softening to reveal a fragile and hurting human underneath but in FO4 my voice stays largely the same; indifferent. I’m playing a mother who just saw her hubby shot, her baby taken and the world destroyed and I’m talking and acting like it’s no biggie. The Handy gives Jack a waypoint to begin the search and so, filled with despair, determined to find my son and planning on playing ME2 next, I head Jack off in the opposite direction.

Before I’ve even met my first bloatfly, I’m already a little worried about where this game will take me. It’s forced onto me a very strong reason to drive forward and I don’t want one, I want to wander and discover. FO3 wasn’t about saving the world it was about taking the first steps towards a better one and until I did it, everyone just got on with life. In NV it was revenge and the key to that is preparation. Alongside it you got embroiled in a larger power-struggle, but one that didn’t need a resolution quick-sharp. In FO4 I am looking for my helpless baby lost somewhere in this nightmare world. How can that not overwhelm every other consideration? Why would I explore, roam, build some granny an armchair when my kid could be on a slab somewhere? It’s impossible to wander the wasteland and care about the main storyline at the same time. This is a Schrodinger’s cat of a main mission; the kid is alive and dead until I action it. So I’ll make a player decision not a character one, and ignore a kidnapped baby. Other open-world games have reconciled a dramatic main plot with freedom in far better ways. Far Cry 3 got the recovery of his friends out of the way quickly and focused on sacrificing your humanity in favour of revenge. Perfect for side-questing. Mass Effect 3 had arguably the biggest story driver of all time – a trifling mission to save the earth and then the galaxy – but it encouraged side-missioning because most if not all your actions added to your readiness; You were side-questing to prepare for the main quest. Another open-worlder that stumbled its main mission was Tomb Raider – why am I looking for Dream Catchers when my friends are being held hostage? In FO4 it’s worse; maternal instinct or material instinct?

Ignoring the baby and taking on what FO4 is, it’s interesting and brave that I’m a vault dweller with no knowledge of the war’s repercussions. I have no training, no survival instinct, no idea what’s out there. I’m a fifties housewife. Amazing. Everything my character sees should cause her to breakdown, every item should be a mystery, every challenge an impossible feat and every creature a lethal encounter – but we just merrily crack on, knowing how to read a Pipboy, pick locks, fire guns. I should have screamed the place down the first time I saw a ghoul. But no, I’ve gone full Rambo in one cut-scene and it’s a huge mistake because playing someone completely unprepared and incapable would have been more realistic, more frightening. Why create a character so woefully unprepared and conflicted, then have them handle everything like they’ve been doing this for years? It would have been compelling to find trainers, get experience, learn, barely survive. But no, we hit the ground running and gunning.

After a few hours of barrelling about lost in the world I so loved in FO3, I stop and look around. It does look amazing. It’s exactly how I remembered the post-apocalyptic world looking. Just how FO3 looked. Just how NV looked, when it wasn’t crashing. Exactly the same. Same landscape. Same items. Same everything… Everything the same… Maybe a little more pixel-sharp, but yeah … there it is then, the wasteland. Eight years I’ve been waiting for this. Just how I left it eight years ago. And within the next few hours, the worst thing that can happen in an open world game happens. I get bored. The problem is I’ve seen it all before. The thrill of discovery, of getting into and out of trouble, of finding deserted houses with skeletal bodies, venturing into buildings, we went through that in FO3; it’s just more of the same and the impact is lost. I’m deathly, depressingly nonplussed in a huge apocalyptic world.

Oh look, a factory. I wonder if it’s a nuka cola factory? Yes, it is. I wonder if it’ll be full of raiders. Yes, it is. Water, bring on the Mirelurks. A bog? I can’t even be bothered with the bloatflies. I’ll go around. It’s the same disarray, the same crap on the floor, the same super mutants. Even the Megaton replacement Diamond City just reminds you of Megaton. Bigger but not better, not different enough to get the wanderer juices flowing. Each Elder Scroll fundamentally changed the environment, the experiences, why did Bethesda keep going back to the irradiated well? Surely there could have been other ways to explore nuclear Armageddon; New Vegas was set in a location spared direct hits so NV explored how humanity would survive in an isolated world, not an obliterated one. FO4 could have gone somewhere else entirely but instead it feels like more of FO3. When you compare it to rival Sandbox games it comes across as lazy; Far Cry distinguished itself by never repeating itself, every Assassin’s Creed is unique while each Mass Effect subtly updated, changed and refreshed without becoming too distant from its predecessor; all the GTA’s stay safely within a city, but with new ways to explore it and Saints Row 4 rebuilt Steelport but gave you new ways to abuse it. In those you know which game you’re looking at; I couldn’t pick a FO4 screenshot out of a FO3 line-up.

The only part of FO4 that’s remotely fascinating is the Glowing Sea, a deadly ground-zero for the bomb we saw at the beginning. It’s a horrible place and ironically, given its deadly nature the only place FO4 comes alive. A sick and blighted place, full of seeping decay and absolute death, The Glowing Sea is thrilling, not just in the experience but because it’s new. Had FO4 been set here entirely, it could have been something incredible. We’re constantly injecting radaway and the like, surely we’ve built up a resistance by now? Come on; in FO3 we purified water, no one’s built on that since? Setting FO4 in the Glowing Sea would have been stunning; it could have played like Bioshock – folks safe but rotting away inside great buildings with their own society and laws, surrounded by a lethal environment that only the brave (i.e Jack) will brave and bring the different houses together to fight some larger force or maybe eradicate radiation so everyone can leave. Having the Lone Hero find a city trapped by air would have set a new bar. Anything but just visit the place before returning to the rinse and repeat of FO3.

Worse, if not unforgivable, there’s so much reskinning and recycling going on I’m surprised CoD’s legal team didn’t sue. Who reskins a game nearly a decade old?! If you played FO3, NV or Skyrim then you’ve played in the world of FO4. This is more than just lazy art design on Bethesda’s part. This is wilfully cheating gamers who plonked down a TON of Nuka caps on a new fallout world and got something built in Skyrim’s Construction Set. In years to come, people will discuss FO3 and 4 interchangeably – that’s not good enough. And it’s not just evident in the art design. We’re still lock-picking the same way (and let’s not forget that was reskinned in Skyrim too); Sure, the locks wouldn’t have changed but the mini-game? Come on. Who in the fallout world is still manufacturing bobbypins?! I’m not talking about realism (I have a mini nuke, that should get a drawer open), just give us something new; anything but this again, I’ve been breaking locks the same way for at least four Bethesda games. Each Mass Effect had a different approach to hacking, why am I still playing Boggle in FO4 too? It’s all the same like a place-holder, a mega DLC.

Some creatures though do move in new and frightening ways – the same creatures but you can’t have everything. Deathclaws leaping over fencing and through buildings is pants-wettingly good/bad as is trying to sneak around them, and the ghouls are faster too. And then there’s the Legendary enemies. Random encounters with extra-tough opponents that weld unique and powerful weapons. They’re actually more of a frustration and a distraction than anything exciting. Sure there’s going to be ornery old coots out there that know how to take a hit, and they’re likely to be carrying good loot but they’re barely even an event moment, just ammo-sucking annoyances mixed in with regular bullet-catchers carrying rarely exciting but always heavy goods. Borderlands often battered the crap out of you then dropped something even bigger and nastier on you, but you knew BL was as trustworthy as it was insane. That creature will drop something sexy. You may spend a hundred mill on a reclone, but goddamn that loot will be worth it. So you suck it up and Jack Burton it; Gimme your best shot, pal. I can take it. In FO4 it’s not worth all the Buffout and ammo and they appear at frustrating times when you’re just trying to get some place.

And at first, it seems the place you want to get is home. Largely an improved version of Skyrim’s Hearthfire extension, you can stake a claim on multiple locations, rebuild and attract settlers. Sounds fantastic, and judging by some of the settlements gamers have created, the possibilities are endless. They’re also mind-numbingly boring. Setting up power actually requires you to do the wiring. Well, I’m kinda searching for my son but yeah okay, lemme just rewire a plug. And when I do get settlers in, do they get involved? Yes, if I force them to but only in support roles while I’m out trying to find more logs for their fricking roof. Had the building work been played through a mini-game where you could properly plan, like a Sim City or the way Black & White allowed you to train a foreman to direct the rest of the followers, it could have been amazing. Set plans in motion then return to see how everyone was doing, how your little fiefdom was coming along. It could encourage you to talk to NCPs, finding scavengers to find materials, track down a builder, a planner to design it, artists to decorate it, build a militia, become raiders and attract criminals or a peaceful settlement for families. It could have been incredible. Go from a ruin to a functioning town, become a force in the wasteland! No. And thanks to a build system that’s more infuriating and confusing than picking something up in Trespasser, just trying to put a rug on the floor becomes rage-inducing; my house looks like an art student’s Cubism project. I have to do this for the entire settlement?! I eventually lost it and walked off never to return. And I have to do this for every place I’ve secured?! I’m a slumlord and I’m okay with that. The Fallout society can rebuild itself for all I care. The tenants constantly ask for things to be built; how did they all survive this long without me?! I just woke up, how come I’m a DIY God as well as a survivalist expert? I just give up and let the settlers live in squalor. Get out of my bed.

We’ll leave FBT to his impression of Reg Prescott. Maybe he’ll cheer up when he discovers the romance sub-plot, so check out pt2 to see if FBT forgets his other-half who died a day ago and finds love in the wasteland. Oh yeah, and finds his kid. Keep forgetting about that.

Morrowind | Oblivion | Skyrim – Pt2

A SECOND WIND special REVIEW

Morrowind, Oblivion & Skyrim – Pt2

Part Two of FBT’s special rambling ramble through the world of The Elder Scrolls. After winning the minds of Morrowind and the heart of Martin in Oblivion, he winds up in Skyrim without a visa. *spoilers*

I find myself on a horse-drawn cart. A hayride, how exciting after the prison ship of Morrowind and prison cell of Oblivion. Opposite me is a local. With a gag over his mouth. My hands are bound. A prison cart?! As we idle our way through a striking forest, another prisoner fills me in on what’s happening. Gag-guy is a ‘Jarl’, a local ruler called Ulfric who murdered the High-king of Skyrim for supporting Imperial rule rather than leading Skyrim’s succeeding from their control. Now we’re facing civil war between the Skyrim folk and the Imperial forces from Cyrodiil. Well me-laddo given me and my bro Martin just saved the empire I think I’ll have something to say about that, even if you can’t. As we reach a small, quaint town it turns out I won’t have time to say anything as I’m off to the headsman. Then we hear a strange roar. It’s all strange to me, but everyone else looks up and wonders what the hell was that. As the axe swings we hear another. By the nine it’s a dragon! Except, someone proclaims ‘By the eight it’s a dragon!’ Ohhh what happened to ‘By the Nine’, a phrase we heard throughou – Oh yeah, dragon. Dragon!

A huge, exciting dragon makes short work of the village and most of the folks in it. It’s a visceral moment, an absolute killer opening; the dragon is HUGE and I’m running about like a maniac until I realise I’m in an interactive cut-scene. There’s a hundred foot long dragon smacking holy hell out of everything and I’m safe from it even when I’m a foot away. I reach a guard and the prisoner who filled us in earlier; both ask me to follow them. I chose the hayride guy since the imperials were happy to kill me. Safe from the safe dragon, we tutorial our way through a ruined building looking for an escape. Fighting, spells, lock-picking (this doesn’t need a tutorial if you’ve played Fallout 3 or 4), and so on. Free, Hayrider thanks me for my help –he couldn’t have escaped without me following him– and suggests I go visit his sister (now that is a thank you), then takes off. I take my first step into Skyrim.

Skyrim is a huge step from Oblivion. There was five years between Oblivion and Skyrim but even so, the woodland, beautiful little streams, swaying grass, it’s so incredibly real – as in, not fantasy; it’s so close to a modern woodland I expect to see one of those dog poop bins. I debate which way to walk and take a look at the menu instead. Oblivion’s menu felt warm, like we were flicking through an old leather-bound book as did Morrowind’s insane diary, but Skyrim’s menu feels like an iOS; minimalist, clean, cold. The level up system looks beautiful though, with each ability represented as a star sign. We’ve got the usual inventory, which will get full of junk, weapons, magic and the much-shouted-about Dragon shouts. I’m looking forward to being a loudmouth so, against habit, I resolve to head towards Miss Hayride to get the main mission under way.

Where the hell is she?

The map is incredible and aggravating. It can be tilted and panned like Google Maps, but clouds pass over it obscuring everything. A map gives an RPG’er a sense not of direction, but how epic their adventure has been and how much more there is to do; it encourages exploring. From up here the adventure just looks cloudy and it keeps you at a distance.

Let’s make with the walking. There is a lot to walk in Skyrim and things to walk in to. The woodlands are lush with trees giving way to gorgeous rivers cutting through cliffs leading to castles, keeps, dungeons, forts, huge Dwemer ruins, camps, villages, graves, more ruins, but it all feels a bit realistic, familiar. More real than unreal, more recognisable than the high-fantasy of Morrowind. This just seems like 1970s Scotland. Most of the time fog descends, grey clouds roll over and it feels a bit depressed. Okay so it’s supposed to be an isolated and insulated part of Tamriel but Skyrim feels like I’m taking a shortcut through some inner-city park, where a bunch of scruffy kids will give me a quest to buy them a pack of Lambert & Butlers. The towns are cold and miserable and so are the NPCs. Sure, there’s a war on, that’ll make anyone grumpy but they’re as grey and humourless as their surroundings. It’s like the game was built to grey-scale rather than the lush colours of Oblivion or Morrowind’s stark contrasts. And if you’re not trudging through grey it’s white – snow is never interesting to look at in a game.

Fighting in Skyrim is hella fun, just repetitive. In Oblivion you can dual-wield sort of, if you had a sword in one hand and a spell or shield in the other. Skyrim goes for the ambidextrous look with two of almost anything, weapons and/or spells, except two-handed weapons of course. It doesn’t make a huge difference, you’ll still hack the hell out of everything, but in reskinning the death-animations from Fallout 3, you get some killer slo-mo kills; even on Dragons on occasion.

Problem is, the creatures are boring; dogs, wolves, bears, walruses, saber-cats and mammoths make up most of Skyrim’s creature features; it feels more like an alternative pre-history than fantasy game. None of the pure originality of a Netch or Guar, nothing truly fantasy. Worse, you quickly start to anticipate what you’ll encounter; every tomb has the zombie dead-walker types, every cave has a giant spider – cool, but when you’re unsurprised by a giant spider, something’s off and part of the problem is Skyrim’s sheer size. Dozens of samey crypts and caves means dozens of the samey creatures. Skyrim? Samerim.

There are some semi-human baddies we face up to, but they’re frustratingly under-used considering their backstory. We kill lots of the decrepit Falmer; Once ‘snow elves’, they were hunted to near extinction by Skyrim locals, the Nords, and hid in Dwemer ruins where subsiding on fungus turned them into blind monstrous slaves. It would have been involving to explore their tragic turn but they’re just fodder. Same goes for Hagraven; the only really f’ed up villains in the game who are criminally underused; a half bird woman!? That’s the stuff of nightmares. We do encounter a non-hostile Hagraven, which disappointingly behaves like a hiss and cackle witch from a kids tv show – how did the Hagraven end up so wasted? They’re amazing. Every time I encounter one I’m scared and disappointed in equal measure. Then there’s The Forsworn, reskinned Fallout 3 Raiders with a better backstory; forced into the wilderness by the Nords, they worship the Hagravens and demand the return of their land – there’s rumours they have spies in the cities sabotaging and weakening defences. Why aren’t they more heavily involved in the power struggle between the Nords and the Imperials? To get a well-organised and feared terrorist group on side in return for giving back their land seems like a no-brainer (Shepard would find a way) and the repercussions could be great; do you mobilise a dangerous group, can you control them, can they be trusted? None of that happens. Why does none of that happen?

There’s boo-hiss villains in the shape of the Thalmor who politically control the empire by using/abusing a peace-treaty struck after the power vacuum caused by the events of Oblivion (sorry). It’s their refusal to allow Talos worship (Martin’s ancestor! And the missing ‘Nine’) that triggers much of the events in Skyrim, but do we tangle with the Thalmor? Engage them, weaken their stranglehold, expose their machinations? Nope. They’re the power behind the throne, arguably the reason for all this unrest and coupled with the Forsworn and others we meet, this has the makings of a grand conspiracy, power-shifts, manipulations, sides to chose and repercussions to face; we are in the midst of a civil war after all, desperate times, desperate measures? Naa.

Anyway, Hayride explained when Talos worship was outlawed, Ulfric used it as a catalyst to rally the rest of the Nords to demand secession from the Empire and when – Sorry, can I just interject for a second? Ahem … DRAGONS! Anyone? I came for the giant flying lizards not to be tricked into Brexit the Video Game. Although you can choose allegiances you’re going to side with the Nords because they’re portrayed as the little guys trying to eke out a living vs the controlling Empire – plus you’ll go Nord if you’ve played Oblivion; Talos means something. Neither side is particularly compelling or pleasant though; the Imperials are not those of Oblivion and if you’d played as a Nord previously you’ll be disappointed at how racist your family is; although even that’s not consistent; they’re forcing everyone out of Skyrim who’s not pale-white with a mangled Norwegian accent yet they welcome me, an anthropomorphised Cat. Typical racist double-standards. I hate both sides, I’m gonna go make my own friends.

First stop, the Fighter’s guild – There is no fighter’s guild. Gone! Run off by the Nords I suppose. In its place, the Nord Companions. Companions? How is that cooler that FIGHTER’S GUILD!? The Companions?! It sounds like a local charity. What are we going to be doing, delivering meals on wheels, knitting scarfs? Who’s our sworn enemy, the Women’s Institute? They themselves aren’t too bad, sending you on odd-jobs, usually a tomb or crypt that needs clearing. That is until an internal issue pops up for you to sort out and be named as the new leader. It does offer a wicked cool option to be a werewolf, and they are brutal. Once that questline kicks in, I take back what I said about the Companions and I’m totally behind their church fete quest.

At first I thought why not have the FG replaced with someone we know, like the Blades. If Skyrim is isolationist it makes sense guilds wouldn’t have a presence, but the Blades would; He’s no Martin but there is an Emperor; he’d have sent the Blades in to see what’s what. That could be interesting – Nope. No new ‘spy guild’ for us. The Thalmor had the Blades disbanded and run off (By the Nords most likely) and all that’s left is a grumpy woman and an old fart. And, begrudgingly this time, me. They’re crow-barred in as a TES requirement and all they do is explain things and hate dragons as it turns out. Instead of endless rambling and driving the Dragon quest in a ‘you take care of this’ way that would have made Morrowind proud, we could have rebuilt the Blades and fumbled with the Thalmor! Re-forge them – No. We’ll stick with generic linear scripts we’ve used in TES since Arena thank you. When folks talk about the sheer size of Skyrim they’re talking about all the empty space where opportunity could have been.

The Thieves’ guild is also a shadow of its former self, living in the sewers and doing jobs for a local Crime Boss who runs the run-down town of Riften. The Thief we spend most of the time getting missions from just bangs on about restoring us to our former glory (We’re thieves, where’s the glory? It wasn’t glorious in Morrowind or Oblivion either); As we rob, ruin and intimidate folks for the Crime Boss, I realise I am actually a criminal and start to think this is refreshing. But that all gets dropped in favour of a completely obvious betrayal (They’re Thieves! Corrupt!) and guess who has to restore honour. I do this by joining an ancient group – Wait a minute, is it, could it be … Morrowind’s Bal Molagmer? Because that would be awes- no it’s the Nightingales. The what? Nightingales? I’m a hoodlum, not a 60s-back-up singer. The Thieves’ guild has fallen out of favour with its Daedric patron and her acolytes, Gladys Knight and the Nightingales must win her favour to bring down the betrayer. Something to do with the Daedra allots Thieves their luck. It was a lack of luck that got us betrayed, not the illegal aspect of our work attracting the wrong sort? Right. We best the betrayer and … Nothing. Why end just when it could have got interesting – the moral thievery they’ve been banging on about, become robin hoods, restart the Bal Molagmer, turn muddy Riften into a prosperous town, turn the tables on the Crime Boss; They’ve got a grand house, I figured we’d reclaim that as our new base but no it just ends and the Crime Boss literally craps on us from above. At Bethesda, someone looked at that quest line and said ‘End it with them still in the sewers? Job done.’ Just tell me the Dark Brotherhood are alive and well, killing.

After a deliciously nasty initiation ritual (Which you can ignore in favour of hunting down the Brotherhood instead) I find them living in a cave. Step up from a sewer I suppose but nothing on Oblivion’s creepy abandoned house in the middle of a town. My new friends are appropriately evil although not anywhere near as jovial or eccentric as those in Oblivion (“Good luck! I hope you don’t get killed!”). It’s another example Skyrim’s humourless characters; you rarely enjoy meeting them. Amongst my new clan are Astrid who leads our not-merry band and Babette who’s ripped shamelessly from Interview with the Vampire’s Claudia. The early missions are on a par with Oblivion’s, that is until a jester-like assassin, Cicero turns up. The Brotherhood needs a new Listener (top dog who gets kill orders from our Daedra, The Night Mother) and we all know who the Night Mother is going to choose … and then we’re betrayed. Technically twice. To be fair, the Dark Brotherhood quest has a lot of drama, another Shadowmere and it does end with the biggest assassination quest of the entire series, plus they do reclaim an old Brotherhood fort once I’m the Listener. And I get a spell to recall the spirit of my old Mentor from Oblivion. Nice to see him, under the circumstances.

The mages guild isn’t in Skyrim either (Nords deported them I’m guessing), but there is the College of Winterhold which feels like a DLC they forgot to put a lock on. I join the beginner’s class (Despite wielding spells pretty well by now) and on our first field trip we find something suspicious; a huge glowing ball. We’re then sent off to gather research while an even more suspicious mage takes an interest in it. Then … betrayal yadya yadya yadya. I kept playing truant because magic levels up with use anyway so why go to school and a big glowing ball just isn’t that interesting. There’s a subplot about super-mages who don’t want us unlocking the power of the big ball but all they do is tell me to stop touching it. Plus, this betrayal thing is getting old; Didn’t that guy in the office at Bethesda notice all the quests hinge on a traitor? “Another betrayal? They’ll never expect it a third time!”

Other than that, there’s only really the Bard’s College which does offer some light-heartedness, if you’re mischievous enough. The Head Bard asks you to search out an old parchment detailing a historical moment so he can create a story for the amusement of our Jarl but elements are missing; he asks you to help fill the blanks from knowledge gained during the adventure, and you can have some fun messing with the lines then watch him recite it for the Jarl. Well, not really, it’s another missed opportunity to inject some fun into the misery. Plus, the whole reason we doing this is to convince the Jarl to have a fete (put on by the Companions?) – her husband died so she’s not in the mood to judge the best marrow or whatever. Could Skyrim be any bleaker? Skyrim is just not fun. I’m going home.

Much like Oblivion, where I had to gain the pleasure of a city’s ruler to buy property, in Skyrim I need to curry favour with the Jarls. Helping locals will gain you their trust and a house you’ll forget you had; Rescuing a woman’s daughter from cannibals, investigating a ghost, they are more entertaining and original and like Morrowind, I start to avoid the main quest in favour of tracking down the random quests – At one point I joined in a drinking game and woke up with no memory and a Giant’s toe in my pocket, in what became a fantasy version of The Hangover. Swearing to never drink mead again, I go find me some dragons.

There’s no way to criticise dragon battles, but I’ll give it a go; Once you reach a certain point, like Oblivion’s Kvatch, dragons randomly appear and it’s great to trudge along and see one in the distance circling. It’s also a terrifying moment when you walk past a ruin and admire the giant dragon statue curled up on it – that’s not a statue is it. They also appear around the smaller villages when you fast travel in. You will die a lot but it is one of the most exhilarating experiences. Trying to avoid the shouts, the mouth, the claws, the wings, the tail, not to mention the sheer size of the things. It’s an epic encounter, terrifying when you hear one let alone see one. Think of the opportunities dragons present; finding a town now abandoned and you have to drive the dragon away to let it be repopulated, coming across a line of refugees and deciding if you’ll walk in the opposite direction to chase away the dragon that decimated their village, or one attacks and you’re forced to abandon the village or camp because you can’t beat it, swearing to return one day and avenge your people; see Dragons decimate areas, come across a burning field and get nervous knowing that means a dragon is about. But nothing remotely close to that happens. GTA SA managed to have ‘hoods under attack, why can’t dragons attack the villages and inns we find, give us a connection, a reason to charge into a clearly one-sided battle? Dragon appearances and behaviors are so heavily scripted that after a while you’re fighting on auto-pilot in pre-set circumstances. You never find one on the ground for example; imagine blundering into one feeding on a mammoth like you’re out for a swim and see a Shark Fin; you take off running, the adrenaline, the scare as you run screaming into a wood and watch it smash through trees, circling around, you trapped, looking for a way out or to face it – of course, a dragon could burn down a wood. Can’t it? No. They can’t even dragon properly; breathing fire on a wooden hut should do more damage than none. They just appear, act like a mini-boss and that’s that. This is the world-ending threat? Once I walked under one and into a shop, where the shopkeeper acts like nothing’s going on either then I left, because it doesn’t really matter what it does. Good games made you launch into battle even when you knew you’ll likely fail because you want to, or need to, but in Skyrim even a Dragon is nothing to Shout about.

Turns out when you do a Dragon Shout, the most anticipated part of Skyrim, it’s literally a magic yell, a kind of taunt between dragons. Being incinerated is both literally and figuratively a burn. I unlock shouts by finding dragon language on walls. I do this on my own; how the hell did I just pronounce that squiggle?! What am I, Prince? I may be the ‘Dragonborn’, but surely I at least need some language lessons. Most shouts are just XXL spells like fire, ice and so on; Shout should be a game-changer but it’s a huge let down. I can only power them up by discovering new wall-words which turns Shouts into a driver for exploring the same dingy dungeons (Zombies and Spiders, yay) for more words. Most of the shouts are too random or unhelpful anyway; Causing a thunderstorm was cool, until lightning killed the horse I was sitting on and what does a 100-foot long Dragon want with a shout that makes lower-level animals cower? Once fully charged they do some damage and the one that sends things flying is fun (everyone uses it on Ulfric’s dinner table) but they should be more than super-powered spells, and that they barely stagger Dragons is the biggest tell-tale that Shout wasn’t really thought through. They should be like the force in Jedi Outcast; so effective, so powerful that’s all you use – yet it’s a one shout then a recharge? Waste of time. Maybe it’s my accent.

Suppose we’d best go find out why Dragons returned and what this Dragonborn nickname’s about. Via the bunch of old guys in robes who can Dragonspeak, and the grumpy Blades, it turns out that dragon at the beginning had a name, Alduin; ‘The World Eater’ – Long ago, Alduin united the dragons and concluded he must destroy everything that’s not Dragon. Bit like the Nords really. He was eventually bested by the Blades who basically sent him into the future to give folks time to figure out how to stop him but their plan was to just wait until he returned it seems. While Alduin continues his prophecy, the old guys have their own; Someone who can pass an assault course of Shouts will be named Dragonborn, now prophesied to kill Alduin; What is it with Tamriel and their ‘someone else’ll do it’ prophecies? I like the idea that this generation of Blades has to face up to what the previous generation did but that’s not what it’s about unfortunately. Neither is the tension between the Old Guys being pro-Dragon and the Blades being anti-Dragon; they both want Alduin gone but that goes absolutely nowhere considering I’m heavily involved in both their plans. I just side with one at the end; I am the worst hero ever. Skyrim is really showing it’s age, even back then; it’s the most linear open world game I’ve ever played – Mass Effect 1 was 4 years before and had me agonising over what to do about Conrad; Skyrim constantly gives you black or white choices, ironic given how grey the rest of it is.

The other main quest, the ownership of Skyrim seems more interesting (that anything is more interesting than Dragons is a worry). The Imperials are portrayed as invaders and in theory, you’ve come to love Skyrim and want to protect it. You won’t. All that been happening is me wandering about taking over Imperial camps while Ulfric and his grumpy pal bitch about the invaders. I wonder if Ulfric is actually a coward, like this is part of the plot. It isn’t, he’s just woefully underdeveloped. How does Oblivion, some five years younger, run emotional rings around something as huge as Skyrim? This is the guy I’m supposed to follow, like Martin? No one does anything except me; in Oblivion everyone got involved. It would be nice to come across more action that’s not dependent on me triggering it, as if there really is progress, like there is a war on like they keep saying. War isn’t hell in Skyrim, I’m not sure it’s even in Skyrim. I’m gonna go see what the DLC has to offer, maybe there’s something there worth saving.

Dawnguard pits you against the single most hated characters in all of Tamriel; Vampires. A Vampire Lord is planning on using an Elder Scroll to blot out the sun. In Skyrim? I’ve not seen the sun yet. To be fair, Bethesda do seem to know how debilitating being a vampire is and Dawnguard turns into something quite tempting. The dragons are a bit beefier and you gain more areas and stuff to do in Skyrim, but do you really want more Skyrim? What about more Morrowind? Whoa.

Dragonborn takes place in Solstheim, off the Morrowind coast. I just saw a Netch! There’s a house made of Mushroom! Silt Strider! It’s good to be home. We’re looking for a guy calling himself First Dragonborn who wants to kill me, Incumbent Dragonborn. We hunt him through lairs like a Goth’s fever dream and there’s freaky creatures that would make a Morrowind local nervous – no one’s watching those things mate for ‘research’. It’s a throw-back romp that’s carried by good feelings for Morrowind and a plot that affects you rather than a bunch of racist NPCs and you gain a Shout that allows you to ride Dragons (Not as much fun as you think, this is Skyrim afterall). Also, why would a Dragon have a word for ‘ride another dragon’? Best ask those Morrowind research guys.

Hearthfire allows you to design and build your own home. It’s a nice way to delve into the world of Skyrim a little more and you can adopt some kids to move in once you’ve wooed a local to be the stay-at-home parent (Everyone available for love seems to be both gender and species neutral – they may be racist but love conquers all). They bake while the kids pester you and you can hire a steward, bard and a hayride driver – there’s other homely distractions like tending crops or beehives, go farming or fishing. It’s one of the very few elements of Skyrim that really pin you to the world and give you a reason to go dragon slaying or topple governments. Hearthfire shouldn’t have been a DLC it should have been the tutorial; a home you want to protect – then you’d care about the world a little more.

Eventually the war and dragon quest-lines intersect. We need to use a place called Dragonreach to capture a dragon alive and reach Alduin. How do we do that? We all sit around a table. What? The various factions we’ve tangled with thus far; Imperial and Nords, the Blades and the Valmor, the Old Guys; they talk for hours about everyone’s grumbles and gripes until a ceasefire is agreed. It may be realistic but there’s dragons outside, how’s about we GET ON WITH IT. Shepard wouldn’t have stood for this, she/he would have made some pithy speech or clobbered someone, something decisive – All I do is sit quietly and occasionally get a ‘what does the dragonborn think?’ option. I dunno I wasn’t listening. I’m the Dragonborn, I’m tasked with killing the King of the Dragons yet I can’t bring a meeting to order? Dragons! No urgency, no panic? All this scene does is draw attention to the lack of impact both the war and the dragons have had on the world. And when we get Dragonreach, why the hell doesn’t the Worldeater have something to say about it? I just walk in and capture a dragon. Alduin must have guessed this course of action. With just a bit of rejigging and imagination, some guts, we’d have an epic, visceral, memorable Skyrim defining moment; Imagine an army of Dragons waiting outside Dragonreach? How amazing would that have been? In Oblivion, you had to assemble an army to fight a Great Oblivion Gate, it would have been brilliant to assemble troops of Nords and Imperials having helped resolve their differences, then launch an attack backed up by my guilds; Thieves, Assassins, Companion werewolves, Mages with their big ball, Bards playing sick riffs as we all ran at a load of Dragons. Braveheart it. If Mass Effect 3 can do it… It would have been awesomeness. Pull all the disparate threads together. The epicness, oh how cool would that have been, everyone doing it for Skyrim, inspired by me; a true hero. Anything but this, our ‘hero’ listening passively to a bunch of old white men bicker about politics. It’s like watching medieval Question Time.

And what of Alduin? Facing him is the culmination of everything we’ve worked towards – this guy made his home in the afterlife, he’s so pissed at humanity he hunts them even after they’ve died; I’m beginning to wish I’d died at the beginning, particularly when it degenerates into a roustabout with a few token shouts thrown in. And as added annoyance, I’m warned surviving dragons won’t take kindly to their king being offed – In other words there’s still dragons to fight. Literally nothing has changed.

So it’s back to the real world to bring the soap-opera war to a close. Ulfric becomes King Coward and the Imperials are ousted. But, some will stick around less than pleased about their General being offed. Sounds familiar. Ulfric does nothing kingly, nothing heroic or even underhanded; I at least expected him to thank me then banish me, make it bitter-sweet what with me not being a Nord and all. No. Disgusted, I don’t even bother sticking around for his victory speech.

So Talos is free to be worshiped again but I’m not sure he’d want to be worshiped by this lot. I know I don’t; if I could, I would have joined Alduin’s faction and eaten this world myself. Even the Valmor are still knocking about. Nothing changed and that’s infuriating after some fifty hours spent in this hellhole. There’s one final mission; the Blades are banging on about a surviving dragon they demand I kill. It’s true, we did meet a Big Friendly Dragon (yet more missed opportunities) but I know Skyrim now; it’s taken the safe option every time and killing BFD will make no difference, plus he was the only interesting thing in the game – I hoped BFD would suggest I kill the Blades to protect him (My preferred option) but he doesn’t so Skyrim just … stops.

Skyrim is incredibly involving, deep and detailed. It’s huge. Insanely huge, overwhelming huge. It is an incredible achievement but just not really fun; it’s hard to muster the energy to keep wandering the misty, grey landscape and want to make it a better place, help the locals, adventure the way you did in Morrowind or Oblivion. The level of detail, of RPG opportunity is off the charts – building your home, your weapons, armour, even relationships but the broad strokes; dragons and war are frustratingly low impact and almost every place you investigate is the same as the last one. One location, a deep cave beneath a Dwemer ruin is bigger than most DLCs; a thing of beauty lit by bioluminescent mushrooms, I must have spent three hours just in that cave – it even had it’s own mini-missions; that’s amazing. But Skyrim is too big to maintain that level of wonderment; it’s so vast it levels out, flatlines

As I head for the Steam departures lounge, I reflect on the time it took to rinse The Elder Scrolls Morrowind, Oblivion and Skyrim; there is no richer franchise in gaming and I’ve barely touched on my experiences. During Morrowind, I was constantly frustrated by the lack of drive until I realised how freeing it was – I truly lived a fantasy life; I didn’t have to take on every mission, join every guild, I overwhelmed myself by meddling in everything. Oblivion is an experience; you get involved and alongside characters you care about, in a world you want to see put right, you reach an ending that makes you sit back and say ‘I did it’.

what did I doSkyrim though. There’s no doubting it’s a rich, interesting world. But the core of the Elder Scrolls is getting dull; as the games get bigger, the missions get smaller; Keeping guilds so linear and segmented, a main mission that doesn’t have an impact, all set in a world that doesn’t change – RPG doesn’t work like that anymore. Fallout 3, Far Cry 3, Mass Effect 2; they all arrived before Skyrim and all featured side-quests and plots that got tangled up, had moments you can’t take back. Skyrim refuses to change; it starts out as a battered, bitter world and ends the same – you’re left asking ? Skyrim is safe, and that’s no way to adventure.

The Real Elder Scrolls Adventurers

Morrowind the game is old, making Morrowind the world hard to disappear into. It’s quaint, but clunky. I wondered why folks love Morrowind enough to rebuild it for free.

TESRenewal ProjectI soon found out. The ‘s Morroblivion breathes life into something that was never struggling for breath, just a modern outlet. Every detail is there in a clean, astonishingly committed recreation. There’s some concessions but it’s a beautiful reproduction and a pleasure to get lost yet again. That they’re now committed to modding it into Skyrim’s engine means as long as there’s TES there’ll be a new Morrowind and I can’t wait to replay Morrowind every time Bethesda releases a new TES.

Finally, my trip could not have been made possible without the TES equivalent of the Lonely Planet; Unofficial Elder Scrolls Project – An independent site established in 1995, UESP details every aspect of Elder Scrolls. If it’s in the game it’s on this site, all 50 thousand pages of it – so far. That’s a testament not to the sheer scale of Bethesda’s world but the fans that keep it alive. I would not have survived Tamriel without UESP.

Developer; Bethesda Game Studios | Publisher; Bethesda Softworks

Morrowind 2002

Oblivion 2006

Skyrim 2011

platforms; win | xbox 360 | PS3

Morrowind | Oblivion | Skyrim – Pt1

A SECOND WIND special REVIEW

Morrowind, Oblivion & Skyrim – Pt1

In this, the first of a two part special, FBT decides to take a Gap Year in Tamriel. Will he survive the Cliff Racers? Take an Arrow to the knee? Or just doss about getting lost and forget what he’s doing? Let’s find out. *spoilers*

I felt it was time for a holiday. But not some all-inclusive linear break, I wanted to travel my own path, my own adventure on my own terms, see what the world was all about. The world of Tamriel, land of The Elder Scrolls; the gamer’s equivalent of Tolkien. Like a mashup between Greek and Geek Mythology, TES is fantasy in digital form; Sword and Sorcery, Chose Your Own Adventure, Dungeons & Dragons, those hokey 80s fantasy videos that didn’t live up to the scantily clad front cover; it’s all here. Morrowind, Oblivion and Skyrim were my destinations. Shouldn’t take long.

My trip began like any other – I wake next to a bare-chested man and get thrown off a cruise ship. I’m a criminal mysteriously set free, here at a small fishing village in Morrowind. It had been ten years since I’d visited Morrowind and only finished it once. This was where my TES love began – Wandering around the tiny seaside village, I wondered why I hadn’t returned more often; it looks great, otherworldly. A little aged but there’s an exciting, mysterious sense to the place. I’m itching to explore, sit on the beach at sunset and get a henna tattoo. As is always the case with an RPG, my first order of business was to avoid all orders of business. I decided to stick to the coast and see how far I could get. Not far, it turned out.

Morrowind is both bleak and rich. Even though it was released in 2002 and feels it, Morrowind is still engrossing. There’s a lot of nothingness but it feels unexplored rather than empty with a nice eerie feel. I encounter the loveable Netch and the infamous Cliff-racers, just a few of the truly fantasy-inspired creatures that kill me as I ramble; and the places you explore; castles, keeps, mines, foreboding crypts and caves, imposing gothic shrines, Aztec-style buildings, hidden doors in tree roots, marshes and swamplands filled with more creatures that kill me. Meanwhile the citizens of Morrowind have made this land homely; giant mushrooms and trees hollowed out into towns, villages on stilts with rickety bridges, campsites; they all feel right in this environment. Vivec, the centre of Morrowind is a huge town made up of enclosed buildings over a lake while Ald’ruhn is centred on a huge hollowed out crab carapace. But all of that is way ahead of me; a quick look at the map shows I’d barely moved a pixel. This was going to be a long trip. A lack of optional fast travel means walking. Walking, fighting a cliff racer, walking, fighting another cliff racer. But there’s always something along the way, a distraction, a thing to check out, a a cliff-racer. It’s impossible to walk in a straight line. Partly because within moments I’ve collected enough junk to slow my walk to a crawl. It’s then that I realise the lack of fast travel means weight management, a sturdy silver sword and lockpicks aplenty. And potions. Good armour. Magic spells. None of which I have. I’m underprepared and overwhelmed. I drag my over-encumbered self back to town catching diseases from Mud Crabs and pecked by cliff-racers all the way; Morrowind isn’t for the flashpackers.

Fighting in Morrowind, be it with folks or creatures is something of a crapshoot. A kind of turn-based roustabout, you flail at your opponent and mostly miss. But you have a lot of choice to miss with; big swords, little swords, daggers, spears, long and short bows, crossbows, throwing stars, plus magic. Spells that lob fire, ice and defensive options like invisibility and resistance make life in the fantasy bush much easier. Morrowind gives you as much freedom as it can for you to become the mighty hero you dreamed of and dress like one too. Armour, magical cloaks, masks, hats, gloves, all interchangeable. And what’s under the clothes is just as important; character creation includes male or female from 10 different races with 3 skill disciplines across 21 classes – or build your own.

So, back where I started, what the hell am I doing here? How do I get involved? Reaching one of the bigger towns without walking means pre-set fast travel, via a Mages Guild (if a member), boats or one of the unnerving Silt Striders; huge aphid-type creatures which have had their innards scooped out to allow you to sit inside while the driver squeezes its brain to make it walk about. Animal cruelty doesn’t seem to be an issue in Morrowind. Neither is slavery. It’s legal in Morrowind, although opinion on the practice is divided and I quickly join a mini game around rescuing slaves. It’s an odd subplot that doesn’t go anywhere; aside from being recognised as a friend to slaves nothing really comes of it. It’s not a subject you just leave unresolved – especially if your character is the same type as is often enslaved.

So I finally reach Balmora, a more upmarket town to the one I just left then staggered back to. I find my Air BnB booking and meet the landlord, another shirtless chap who offers to let me share his single bed. He explains I was freed on the Emperor’s orders and sets me off running errands for him. Not sure this is exactly what the emperor had in mind, but okay. He also suggests I get in with the locals and soon enough, I’ve fallen in with the Thieves Guild. I also join the Mage’s guild, Fighter’s guild, Imperial’s Legion and Cult, the Temple and … think that’s it. In all cases, joining them basically requires me to find, fetch or kill something. The Thieves guild has a great side-mission where you restart legendary Robin Hood types the Bal Molagmer, while the Fighter’s guild missions reveal themselves in an interesting way; they’ve fallen under the influence of a mafia (the Camonna Tong) and want to muscle in on the Thieves’. Although it seems you’ll have to take a side, it doesn’t really go anywhere; having joined both it would have been great to cleanse and team them up to fight the C.Tong but it just kind of fizzles out. Most of the guild quests do this, you reach ‘no more missions for you’ and the leader retires and promotes you or you kill them and promote yourself.

Talking of getting away with murder, I track down and join the Morag Tong, basically official assassins. This should make for interesting missions, but as a Tong you’re above the law meaning assassination eventually becomes a bit … dull. Hump over here, kill this person, show your writ of execution and quest complete. I’m getting my first inkling of why I struggled to finish Morrowind. It takes a lot to stay enthusiastic; unlike other RPGs with big, dramatic missions to keep you moving or preparing, if the quest doesn’t run out of steam I do. If it’s not the sheer distance it’s what I have to do when I get there – one mission has me finding some mud. There’s some lovely little random missions though, like finding a woman on the road who has been mugged only to fall in love with the mugger. Guess I’ll track him down for you then love? I come across a naked barbarian who was tricked out of his clothes by a witch, a guy stuck in a river cos someone stole his trousers and find two bachelors who were watching animals mate ‘for research’. Can I get the doggers to safety without disturbing the rutting monsters? Don’t see that in your everyday RPG game. Morrowind was sold on the fact I could ignore missions if I wanted to but with nothing to drive you forward it takes real commitment to finish when no one else seems to want you to. What am I doing again? Oh yes, the diary will remind me.

The diary. Oh God. Every comment is recorded in it, and it becomes impossible to keep track of what’s going on. The DLCs revamped it but it’s still like listening to someone describe a dream. With no mission marker, my first playthrough I kept a real diary noting locations and missions so I could figure out what was going on. Morrowind is not for those who dip in an out. Diary entries like ‘maybe someone in Balmora knows more’ abound. There’s 120-plus folks in Balmora. I can’t even remember what I’m asking around about. There’s over 2,800 people across the game, and you can talk to all of them! Talking to people means clicking through dozens of dialogue options, some of which will reveal more topics. Soon you’re button mashing through chat like a sword battle.

So after many chores for my shirtless landlord, he admits he’s one of the ‘Blades’, a secret group of the Emperor’s spies and protectors and explains the Emperor freed me because I might be the ‘Nerevarine’ – a reincarnation of a past hero who will return and defeat Dagoth Ur, an immortal nasty who intends to destroy Tamriel. Epic. Well, epic amount of missioning and walking, and epic amount of indifference; Ur is going to lay waste to the land and no one seems to care, no one’s panicking. The only real visual reminder is an ‘blight storm’ that appears randomly and the occasional ash creature that escapes from the mountain Ur is dwelling in – trapped behind a wall of magic, further disconnecting me from the drama.

I find myself drawn to the DLCs, just for a change of pace. The first, Tribunal is set after the main mission within Mournhold, a walled city self-contained from the main game. Tribunal attempts to continue the story, to examine the ramifications of my actions –if I ever complete them– its brave but isn’t strong enough; why not have it unfold in Vivec, prolong the game naturally (Can’t believe I’m suggesting that) in the world I’m connected to? Why here in a self-contained village? It’s just not interesting, and while there’s upwards of 40 quests including some great side missions like helping a woman meet the man of her dreams, replacing an actor in a street theatre, it’s not worth the effort beyond scamming some slightly better weaponry. Back to the main mission. I can do this. After another 30 or so quests, I’ve been recognised as the Nerevarine and I get to build my own mini-town where I convince settlers to join my commune, although I have to wait weeks to see it built. I miss modern RPG games where I do a mission, get back and the quest-giver already knows and has a new mission lined up. While the builders fanny about I escape to Solstheim, the setting for the second DLC, Bloodmoon. Here no one cares I’m the Nerevarine, they’re more concerned about folks turning into wolves. This is more like it. Solstheim is a tiny snow-capped island and after a few fairly typical missions, I get turned into a werewolf and can play as one whenever it’s nighttime. It’s fun for a while, then a bit of a pain; not as painful as becoming a vampire but still. Problem is, due to a random bug the mission path gets broken and I never resolve it. Bethesda are good at two things – Creating huge RPG games and filling them with bugs. Given their game’s sheer scale and the intricate rules and paths it’s inevitable but frustrating. I’m completely stuck and so it’s back to an earlier pre-Bloodmoon save. My commune is back to just scaffolding. But, Bloodmoon does distil much of Morrowind into a leaner experience. And you get to be a werewolf.

So back where I started I push on. My character is someone to be reckoned with, the map looks suitability stomped on and I realise I’ve become an adventurer, I’m living in this world and I’m curiously involved in it, enjoying the wandering and discovering. I even just talk to folks to see if they have any new gossip. I’m a local. Now I feel Morrowind’s leisurely pace is refreshing; I’ve carved a place in the world and enjoy just setting off, looking for adventure, having a great time just lost and finishing up side-quests as I go rather than focused on them. Eventually though, I save the day and to be honest, I’ve fought mud crabs more fearsome. Plus, I walk out a hero and everyone’s carrying on as if nothing happened; at best I get dialogue options like ‘Ur is defeated! Morrowind is free. Did you pick up my shirt?’

As I leave my house in Balmora for the last time (I say my house; with the exception of your commune you can’t own houses so I murdered a shopkeeper and lived with his corpse – you really can do anything in Morrowind), I look around at the piles of junk and treasure I accumulated and feel a twinge of sadness to be leaving. Rather than pull you in with drama and panic, Morrowind’s strength is you make it what it is and I made it great. Eventually. It’s a game you have to get not a game that gets you. I look at the horizon, listen to the forlorn call of the Strider, watch folks milling about. You know, I never did pick up that shirt. I start walking.

So, having decimated the local cliff racer population, it was time for this tourist to move on. I was being called to a more vibrant, happening part of the world, soak up what it means to be a citizen of Tamriel. I was going to Cyrodiil; aka Oblivion.

I wake up in jail where I’m visited by none other than the emperor, who says I’m the person from his dreams. Oh-ho. It transpires he’s only interested in an escape route via my cell. The Emperor’s under attack from a secret sect intent on bringing Mehrunes Dagon, a Daedra prince into our realm and he explains this was all foretold in his vision, including my involvement; I believe him because he’s got Patrick Stewart’s voice. During our escape, he explains Oblivion -where Mehrunes lives- and Tamriel are kept separate by Dragonfire which stays lit while an ancestor of Talos, such as himself is on the throne. Then Patrick gets murdered. I’m sorry! I was distracted by his voice. But, he had a secret illegitimate son just for this eventuality (that old excuse; ‘Queenie, babes, it’s not what it looks like, I had a vision and it said me and the maid must …’), so it’s on me to find this last heir and restore him to the throne before Mehrunes makes his entrance. So off I go, and stop dead. Wow, Cyrodiil looks a lot different to Morrowind. It’s rich and warm; grass, trees, very unlike Morrowind’s desolation and dug-in tone. Even the mud crabs are dainty compared to the yobs marauding about in Morrowind. Learning nothing from my early ramble into Morrowind’s wastes, I head off in any random direction.

After only a short period of time wandering along a gorgeous coastline, skipping over mud crabs and running shrieking from flappy Imps, I feel myself drawn to finding the Emperor’s son. Patrick and I only spent a relatively short tutorial of time together, but his assassination, the promise I made and the surviving guard’s reaction to the loss were compelling. I want to see where this story goes. It felt immediately big in comparison to Morrowind’s slow-burn. I make a bee-line for the mission marker (Mission marker! Thank Talos) and try and fail to not get distracted along the way.

Oblivion does look great, but a little more accessible, relatable, commercial than Morrowind. The creatures you encounter are more recognisable; gone are the Cliff Racers, there’s no Nix-Hounds or Guar, the Silt Striders are no more. Instead we have wolves and bear while scampering about are deer and sheep but there’s some fantasy still; in the woods, watch out for the (unnervingly attractive) Spriggan, a kind of half woman, half tree thing that can summon bears while the rest are fairly seen-it-before; goblins and ogres, minotaurs and the ruins have their ghosts and skeletons. Oblivion just feels more mainstream than geekdream. We’re running about in the Yorkshire Dales and the towns look more Middle England than Middle Earth, but I don’t harbour that feeling of sell-out for long. It makes sense that the Imperial city area would be more civilised and colonised. Towns have been built rather than hollowed out and they have identities; Bravil is all muddy roads and wooden lob-sided huts, a fishing town on hard times while the port of Anvil is that bit richer, reflected in the grand buildings and the inhabitants. We stumble into little farms and villages, inns set by rivers and lakes; it’s idyllic but missing that grittiness of Morrowind, that cut from the land feel. I miss that horrible wail you’d hear while exploring crypts; instead we get expansive ‘Ayleid’ Ruins. Gentrification for you.

Playing in Oblivion is easier too. Swinging swords is not the squabbles of Morrowind; blocking is now an action rather than luck and landing hits is easier as is spell casting. There’s a great selection of weapons too, if pared down from Morrowind’s armoury but there’s a ton of magic spells to have fun with. The character’s wardrobe has been slimmed down too – for example you can’t layer; who goes adventuring without layering? It’s not that impactful, it just feels more restrictive that Morrowind, which insisted you have complete control – Oblivion is a tighter, more focused game; exactly what I complained was missing from Morrowind, yet here I am missing that freedom. Much like Morrowind you start off as a ruffian and just hack and cast until I’ve levelled-up to a more refined, specialist style; it’s just more Oblivion’s style than mine. Interaction with NCPs is a huge step forward from Morrowind’s endless text adventures though, although you can’t insult folks into attacking. I miss that.

There’s not much else I miss from Morrowind now I’m into it; we have, bless Talos, a quest diary that makes sense and a fast-travel menu. After a while though, the map reveals how little I explore when I can fast travel about. I rarely plan my quest the way I would in Morrowind; study the map, ask around, prepare, then set out and get distracted. I miss the Morrowind shuffle, limping into town triumphant, weighed down with goodies. Nothing stopping me of course – Oblivion has just exposed I’m a bit of a lazy adventurer.

Trading in Oblivion is roughly the same as in Morrowind, getting a trader to like you will mean better prices, but over-play it and you’ll piss them off. Most traders won’t accept stolen goods (How’d you know I stole that apple?) and will only buy items that reflect their wares. So trying to sell a sword to a seamstress is a no-go. This does mean you end up browsing the entire Imperial city shopping mall or find a friendly Thieves’ guild fence to take everything off your hands.

Continuing to ignore the main quest I join the Thieves’, Fighter’s and Mage’s Guilds. The Imperials can’t be joined this time nor can the Morag Tong; instead, there’s the more evil splinter group, The Dark Brotherhood; entry is via murdering someone. This is harder than it seems. Exactly how the guards see you commit crimes I’ll never know. I heard ‘Stop! You’ve broken the law!’ so many times I started looking for CCTV; sometimes I was wanted and had no idea what I’d done. Accepting punishment mean losing all your ill-gotten gains and costs XP so your best bet is join the Thieves who can bribe the guards. Eventually I’m in the Brotherhood though, and unlike the Tong, this time there’s no writs of execution. We’re strictly murdering for profit. Planning and ‘executing’ the murders is mostly left up to me, but others in the clan offer suggestions on how to go about it. I shouldn’t really enjoy it this much but its great planning and getting away with murder and as the missions’ progress, they don’t just get harder to pull off but something really sinister begins to emerge within the Brotherhood. Plus I get ‘shadowmere’, a jet black horse with red eyes. You can ride horses in Oblivion although even if you own the horse they tend to wander. Sometimes they pop up later, other times they’re gone for good. At one point I discovered a unicorn and managed to ride that before losing it. Still, I was briefly the most fabulous looking fighter in all of Cyrodiil. Later I needed the unicorn for a mission and it was still missing. Worth it though, so fabulous.

The Fighter’s guild missions are great; varied and centre around rivals The Blackwood Company. The Thieves’ guild takes a while to get going but the last mission is a great heist; the final prize the biggest thief of all though. There’s no Bal Molagmer quests which is a shame, I would have liked to have seen them re-emerge after Morrowind. The Mages guild mission turns into a great mini-war that could have been expanded even more; the arch mage’s edict that necromancy is to be purged triggers a fight for supremacy between mages and necromancers. But before I can get in the middle of it I have to go around, Morrowind style and get the buy-in from every Mage’s Hall. Unlike Morrowind’s ‘find me some mushrooms’, those are interesting – One standout is adopt a clan of Scamps and find them a new home. You often find Mages and Necromancers having fights and the end is pretty dark.

Quest time

Another sort of mini quest is the Daedric shrines. Dotted around the wilderness you’ll come across various NCPs praying to statutes of the Daedra, supernatural sort-of Gods like Mehrunes who alter and manipulate mankind for their amusement. If you have the right offering you will be tasked with a challenge or quest and completing it will net you a Daedric weapon. Some are awesome, most will end up in your houses’ display cabinets but the missions are always an enjoyable distraction and a glimpse into the Daedric world – Gods have problems too.

There’s Arena battles, as Gladiator-style I fight for the entertainment of the crowd and the fame (and Oblivion’s most infamous character, Adoring Fan) and there’s great stumble-on missions to be found; Overall, there’s a lot less questing in Oblivion (some 280 to Morrowind’s 450+ quests) but there’s rarely a dud – and then there’s Oblivion’s famous DLC.

If you are GOTY’ing, you have the infamous horse armour (I couldn’t armour the unicorn which would have been really fabulous). It was a rip-off, no matter what Bethesda claim was their intention and shamefully, publishers didn’t take the public reaction to heart and continued hawking rip-off filler; Horse Armour will always be the meme for crappy DLC. Thankfully though, the rest of Oblivion’s DLC is mostly top notch. Mostly.

Oblivion’s main DLC, Shivering Isles takes place elsewhere, and like Morrowind’s Tribunal it’s a misstep to remove me from the world I just spent an age defending, and it plays as disjointed as it sounds; northern Mania is identical to southern Dementia but one is vibrant and insane, the other dark and oppressive. You’re tasked by the ruler of this Daedric land, the Madgod Sheogorath to stop the Greymarch; an entity which destroys everything in his kingdom in an endless Reaper-like cycle. Shivering is a hard place to get into, let alone save; it’s disorientating and the quests are abstract; while some elements are startling, its a change of pace the main game didn’t need. The weaponry is nice though, it’s worth jumping in long enough to tool up and get an edge back in the real world.

Conversely, the much smaller Knights of the Nine could have been a lot bigger. A really fun mission, lots of fighting and exploring and general derring-do as you rebuild the Order of the Knights, culminating in an amazing airborne fight miles above Cyrodiil. The result is armour you’ll likely never use, a location you can crash in and your own mini militia you can call on. They, and others dotted around the game can be brought along as companions but you’ll spend most of you time getting them out of trouble rather than them helping you out of it. There’s no kissy stuff with them either.

The second mini-DLC is a fairly linear story to recover Mehrunes’ Razor. This is worth attempting early on, as the razor -an enchanted dagger- is brutally strong for low-level characters as it has the chance to deliver one-hit kills. It’s a running fight through dungeons, mines and ruins to reach it and there’s a Morag Tong assassin knocking about too. If you find him, he’s wearing some of the best armour in the game. Alternatively, you can chance letting him continue on his mission and clear you a path – then try to track him down for that armour. There’s a good end mission too before you can claim that badass dagger.

Welcome

There’s some nice DLC options for the homemakers too. By far the best is Battlehorn Castle. Besting some leveled bandits gets you an entire castle to call your own, complete with a militia and staff including a smith and even a taxidermist who will stuff your kills. This would have felt better tied into Knights of the Nine but it’s still a great addition and within the mysterious walls you can uncover the fate of the original owner’s ancestors. Other locations include a mage’s tower where you can hone your skills and create beasties as companions, a vampire’s retreat complete with a butler who will find kills for you (and a way to cure vampirism), and a pirate’s cavern complete with a Goonies-style ship inside a caved-in cove; once claimed and fully upgraded (who knew Pirates were so house-proud) you’ll build a crew and send them off to loot. The only problem really is something of an embarrassment of riches. Why would I spent thousands on a Bravil hut when I have a castle? Fast travel means I don’t have to worry about finding a safe haven to dump all my crap as I go like Morrowind, so I only invest in city houses when I have more money than sense. To think in Morrowind I lived as a squatter with a dead body and spent hours shuttling items back and forth, and here I am frustrated I can’t recall which of my thirteen homes I left Mehrunes’ Razor in. There’s an Imperial Orrery you can help build too, which is pretty and gives some useful power-ups. So, having wandered around and gotten a feel for the world I’d better find that bastard of Patrick’s.

The bastard, or Martin as he prefers, is trapped in a town called Kvatch, under siege from the vanguard of Mehrunes’ invasion. This sequence is really well done; Kvatch looks sacked and ruined, the Daedra are dug in and getting them out isn’t easy. The fights are brutal and it’s hard to not get killed, or kill your fellow soldiers. In the midst of battle when you’re merrily swinging at Scamps, a comrade will decide the best place for him to stand is between your sword and the Scamp. All the other soldiers stop what they’re doing to yell ‘murder!’ – If I just wound them I get ‘you’ve broken the law!’ or at the very least, they scowl constantly. Fighting drains your strength as well as the soldiers patience, but leveling up allows you to extend strength as well as Health and Magic, along with adding to your other abilities. You can pick multiple disciplines, raising your ability to talk, lockpick etc., refining you hero.

So, the battlefield strewn with the bodies of my fallen comrades (sorry), I push on and reach an Oblivion Gate – Those gates are, as the name suggests, portals into Mehrunes’ world and a staging ground for his troops. The nightmarish world inside is filled with lava, nasties and horrible black gothic spires I fight my way up to reach a keystone known as the Sigil Stone. Removing it closes the gate and stops the invasion. I am now ‘the hero of Kvatch’ so hail the surviving and scowling guards.

My Best Friend

Kvatch saved, I find Martin and greet him by accidentally whacking him with my sword, mixing up my interact and murderer buttons. Luckily, for me at least, I only knocked the heir-apparent unconscious. Story-critical NPCs can’t be killed, although they’re rarely happy about it. That’s a change from Morrowind where everyone’s vulnerable and you can break the main mission with one swing but Martin gets up unharmed and afterwards, despite referring to me as his saviour and eventually his greatest friend, from that meeting onwards he always gave me a scowl that would make the guards proud.

Martin and I reach the safety of the Blades, who fill Martin in on his dad and his legacy and I’m made a Blade too so Martin tasks me, his friend/attempted murderer, with finding the items he needs to relight the Dragonfire and stop Mehrunes. Martin helps to keep the main mission focused; to begin, he seems convinced it’s hopeless but as I chip away at the tasks and we talk, he starts to gain a glimmer of hope. I hadn’t put a lot of thought into voice-acting before, but Martin, voiced brilliantly by Sean Bean really comes to life. You can hear the self-doubt that plagues him and understand the scale of what we’re attempting to achieve. Martin is essentially just the main-quest-quest-giver but somehow becomes more, along the lines of Mass Effect’s Anderson; he may not adventure with you but he’s a friend and returning to him battered and bloody is compelling because he appreciates what you’ve been through and apologises for sending you back into further danger. I like the bastard.

Another one

As Mehrunes gets a grip on the world, Oblivion Gates begin opening all over Cyrodiil and his denizens start to put in more appearances, from the Clannfears and unnervingly attractive Spider-women to the brutal Deadroth, a kind of Killer Croc thing. Leaving Gates unattended doesn’t do a great deal but closing it gets you a Sigil Stone which can be used to magic-up your weaponry and armour so they’re worth the slog. But that slog isn’t to be taken lightly; even the plants can injure you and inside the spires there’s traps, close-quarter fighting and general unpleasantness. But once free of Oblivion you’ll be proudly if exhaustedly staring at the ruined gate with your newly enchanted weapon, a ton of loot, a fame point (raising the disposition of NPCs) and likely spot yet another gate in the distance. The Gates are a constant reminder that something wicked is this way coming. They scare the NCPs, as does the coming of Mehrunes; you hear talk about Oblivion, monsters coming from gates, friends lost at Kvatch; it feels ominous. NPCs are thankful if you closed a gate nearby and the decimated areas, ruined gates and gangs of hot spider-women (those legs, man) add a constant reminder that all is not good. I find myself pulled back to the main mission to see how far Martin has got in solving the puzzle.

Settled in, I realise Oblivion is an incredibly well-balanced game; You feel like you’re progressing, becoming a stronger character. The world is perfectly set out, you’re busy and at a loose-end, determined and lost in equal measure. People’s routines and habits are more life-like than Morrowind’s walking around in circles – they eat, sleep, have favourite spots and friends, go for walks, get into fights, you feel like the world is happening around you; It’s lacking the whimsical nature of Morrowind but instead feels grounded, real. You can still mix potions, sharpen weapons, generally live off-mission, but you feel like you’re neglecting things in Oblivion, rather than Morrowind’s ‘only if you want to’ attitude.

After some really top-notch missions to recover items and research, including a timed run through a Great Oblivion gate, the peoples of Cyrodiil create a statue in my honour – a statue! It’s a really nice touch after all my moaning about those Morrowind ingrates and I only realised because someone said I looked just like that statue. I went to check it out and there I am, in all my heroic glory. And all the crap I was carrying at the time. I look like a bag-lady. Damnit. The statue reflects your most powerful inventory items so if you’re particularly vain, dress for sculpturing not battle and leave everything else behind. I tried it a few times in just my underwear but never made it through. What an effigy that would have made.

Eventually, it’s up to me to clear a path for Martin while he claims his lineage and saves the day. Due to the relationship built between Martin and I (Grumpy-face aside), it doesn’t feel like a cheat to be the bridesmaid not the bride for the final battle – and what a bride I would have made, riding in on that Unicorn. It’s a scrambling, frantic fight to get Martin crowned and our focus is on banishing Mehrunes rather than killing him – we avoid a boss fight and it feels right; it’s never been about killing Mehrunes, only proving Martin is the rightful heir. I’m so involved it didn’t occur to me until after that Oblivion could have gone down a clichéd “He’s mortal in this world, kill him!” route and that really sets it apart, it’s a very brave move and pays off amazingly well.

Peace has been restored to Tamriel and what Martin and I have achieved feels real. Ironically though, Oblivion is a little empty after what we’ve accomplished. It’s undoubtedly involving, but after that main mission I can’t really find the will to carry on wandering; I’ve done enough. I take a tour around my houses, still don’t find Mehrunes’ Razor, get congratulated on saving the day and then call it a day. It’s time to pack up and travel north. I’m Skyrim-bound. I’ve always wanted to see a Dragon.

Check out Part Two of Previous Weapon’s Elder Scrolls special, as soon as FBT checks out of his backpacker hostel and stops posting photos of him and martin on Insta.